Always Near
by Lurid sleep
Summary: Even after the war has ended, there are still many scars left to heal, and painful memories to forget. And in the midst of trying to undo the damage done, Ashitaka does what he can to make himself a part of San's life. Rated T for now, will move up to M in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Ashitaka woke up in the morning, early enough that dew still soaked much of the ground outside, and just late enough that sunlight had made its way in through the window. He rose up from his mat on the floor, and found that the room was empty. For the past few weeks this building, or rather, what was left of it, had been used to house many of the men still without homes of their own.

It was a relief to wake up with them gone, already up to work, no doubt. Not that he disliked them, but some time without them was more than welcome. Normally, Ashitaka would be among the workers, rebuilding walls and the structures that had been wrecked in the battle weeks prior. But not today. He'd made arrangements to spend this day up on the mountain, in the thick of the forest.

Eboshi had been more than understanding when he requested the time off. She didn't say so, but Ashitaka suspected she was surprised he hadn't requested it sooner. He hadn't left town in many weeks, and had spent each and every day of that time working. Even so, he hadn't felt right asking to leave until everyone in town had a roof over their heads.

He left the small commune, taking care to gently shut the door behind him, lest the old rickety thing need to be rebuilt as well. It was still fairly quiet, though the sound of hammers banging and axes chopping could be heard from nearly every side of town.

He hadn't told anyone but Eboshi that he was taking this trip to the forest, and yet, of all the people who saw him heading to the stables, not a single one questioned him, though a few shot him a curious glance. Perhaps they'd known it was only a matter of time until he left town and went up the mountain. He had been putting off this trip for much too long. It was something he'd been avoiding for nearly a month now, simply because he didn't know how he would be received should he chose to show his face to San after everything that happened. She was, after all, the only reason he'd made the time for this little excursion today.

Ashitaka entered the stables, and stepped to Yakul's side, putting a hand against him gently to make sure his presence was known. The elk seemed unfazed by his company, as usual. His head lowered in a gesture resembling that of a nod of acknowledgment, mouth still full of hay. It seemed he had interrupted Yakul's breakfast at this early hour. He fastened the saddle on Yakul's back, and the animal grunted in mild irritation. With a gentle hand, he encouraged his steed to be quiet. "You'll have plenty of time to eat soon enough." He whispered to the beast. "The grass on the mountain likely tastes better anyway."

Yakul breathed heavily out his nose, but made no protest when Ashitaka fastened a harness on him, and coaxed him out of the stable. He closed the stall gate behind them, and swiftly swung himself atop the elk. He was pleased to find that the elk had no trouble holding his weight. After the injury Yakul sustained in the battle, he had done his best to avoid riding him so his leg would have time to restore itself. Luckily, it seemed the care of the townsfolk and himself had been enough to repair the damage done. Still, he made a note not to let Yakul go any faster than a trot for a while.

The enormous gate that had once separated the wild from the town had long since been destroyed, and the village was still working hard rebuilding more important structures to bother repairing the wall yet, if they ever would. The Emperor had no need of this town, now that the iron was gone. And with the war over, the beasts didn't need to be kept out either.

Ashitaka and his stead made their way quietly down the dirt trail away from town, and not once was he stopped or questioned. Once beyond the village, Ashitaka rode on down a trail that was familiar to him in memory, and yet, every blade of grass was just a bit different than before. Likely a result of the Deer God's death, and the subsequent rebirth of the whole mountain.

The only sound as they went was Yakul's hooves against the rocks and dirt, which sounded loud against the silence of the foggy morning air. Ashitaka let out a heavy breath against the cold. The weather was getting cooler. Summer was coming to a close.

There was too much time to think now. Every step of Yakul's hooves brought them further up the mountain and into the deep of the forest, but much too slowly. The path was easy on the elk, and familiar enough that he didn't require much direction. There was nothing much for Ashitaka to do now but think. And now, as he headed up the mountain, his thoughts had much time to wander. And naturally, as his thoughts had been prone to do of late, they centered on her. He thought that his thoughts of her had been invasive before, but now it was all there was.

He found himself thinking of her so often lately. It seemed it wasn't possible for his thoughts to linger on anything else after everything that had been done and said between them. While he'd been living with the villagers, helping to repair the damage that was done there, he could usually push away the thoughts of her with other things. Now that there were no distractions, all he could do was vividly remember her, and wonder what she would do now after all that had happened.

Ashitaka grew more and more restless. He hadn't realized until now how badly he wanted to see her. Needed to. He needed to know she was well. And also, that perhaps she thought of him as often as he did her. But everything had changed since last they spoke, there was no telling whether she had too. Perhaps now that the war was over, she'd have no interest in his company anymore. The thought chilled him more than the early autumn air. He shivered in an attempt to drive out it, but it refused to be banished entirely.

The trees were slowly growing taller as Ashitaka rode on. Not the giants that once grew in the forest of the Deer God, but tall enough to hide away the sky. The sight of a small, white forest spirit in the distance informed him that he'd indeed entered into the dead god's domain. He slowed his stead, and spoke softly to him. "You've got a better nose than I do. Lead us to the wolves, Yakul" he said, letting his grip on the reigns loosen as the red elk began walking deeper into the forest, through a trail of short grass surrounded by thick underbrush.

The wolves were likely hunting at this early hour, some distance away from their den near the center of the forest. And wherever the wolves were, he knew he'd find San. He hoped he'd have enough time to spend the journey to her deciding what to say once he finally saw her again.

* * *

The fawn did not cry out as it was brought down. She was disappointed by that, but not for the same reason as her brothers. For them, the cries drove their instinct to hunt and slay, and the lack thereof was simply frustrating. To her, the silence was a painful reminder that of all the animals in the forest that remained, only what was left of the wolf tribe could speak human words. It unsettled her to think that such a thing was lost to nearly all the forest now. Something that had once been fairly common in this forest.

She leaned back against the trunk of a tree while her brothers ate away at what there was of the carcass to be shared. Ichi turned to glance at her, concerned that she wasn't eating. In silent response to his worry, she slowly shook her head. Hesitantly, Ichi returned his attention to his meal. She had barely eaten a thing for a few days, but had gone out hunting with her brothers simply for the sake of their company. Ever since the war ended, she and her brothers stuck more closely together than they had since their youth. And yet, they'd barely spoken a word to each other since the day everything came to an end.

Truth be told, none of them were quite ready to talk about it. There was scarcely anything to say at all anyway. For the time being, they did their best to live as they did before everything had all gone to hell. They hunted each day, wandered the boundaries of their territory, and even continued to sleep most nights in the mouth of their rocky cave den.

San was startled from her quiet thoughts by the sound of her brother cracking the bones of the fawn between his massive teeth. The sound probably shouldn't have shocked her as much as it did, but she had been on edge all week. Most likely the result of how little sleep she was getting and how weak her appetite was. She sighed and did her best to settle her nerves.

"You won't feel better unless you fill your belly" Ni said, breaking the silence between the three of them for the first time in a long time. Both Ichi, and San looked up at him. His gruff voice was almost foreign.

"I'm not hungry, I'll eat later" she insisted.

"You may very well starve yourself out of melancholy" he muttered.

"I'll eat when I feel like it" she answered again, in a bit more of a growl than before. It was enough to quiet her brother, and he did not speak again. She knew he meant well. They needed their strength so they could hunt before the season turned cold. But she wasn't going to let her brothers treat her like a pup.

Her brothers had stopped eating now, having converted the carcass to a small pile of bones, and laid out on the grass for a rest. And now, with the sun rising higher and heating up the ground, a nap on the grass was definitely appealing. But San remained awake and upright, not quite able to settle herself into sleep like her brothers could.

She wondered idly if she should just wander off on her own for a while, give herself some alone time so she could let off whatever it was gnawing at her. But she didn't want to be alone. Not really. In fact, she'd stuck closely to her brothers the past few weeks for that very reason. But at the same time she wanted to be away from them. It was such a strange feeling. Wanting to be by herself, but also with the company of another. And who else would be with her now that Mother was-

She stopped her thought before it could finish, suddenly clutching her hand very tightly to distract herself with a different kind of pain. No. not today. She wouldn't think of this today. Perhaps after the winter had come and gone, she'd worry over the things that had already happened, and let out the horrible weight in her heart. But not now.

Her brothers unexpectedly rose to their feet, drawing her attention. For a split second, she feared that some human had wandered into the forest. If someone had found its way into the forest, there was a good chance it had only accidently stumbled upon her and her brothers. But a blunder like that was no excuse for such an intrusion. She would be very tempted to teach such a human a lesson about keeping its distance from her. She stood up quickly, instinctively preparing to fight, if needed. Even now that the war was over, there wasn't a single human she could tolerate that sort of behavior from. No one. Except maybe for…

She followed the gaze of her brothers, a familiar scent drifting toward her now. In a moment an elk was visible through the trees, and so was its rider. He didn't seem at all startled to find her brothers' sharp stares upon him when he left the seclusion of the trees and underbrush. In fact, he hardly seemed to notice. As soon as he was through the trees, he was focused on her.

She was unsure whether to run toward him or not. She almost didn't believe it was him. He was like a ghost, with all the memories the sight of him carried. But somehow, they were not the bad memories. He dismounted the red elk, letting it stand at a fair distance from the wolves while he approached her. Before she had any idea what to say or do, he was standing before her.

"How have you been?" he asked with a slight smile. His voice was pleasant and even, as though they were simply making pleasant exchanges, like neighbors would. It was the strangest thing. San was overcome with an unfamiliar emotion, something she didn't know the word for. Whatever this feeling was, it made her want to embrace him.

She couldn't answer him, she only smiled back at him, her eyes getting damp with that strange emotion she felt. To her surprise, he reached out to her, and grasped her hand in his. She didn't reject his touch, after all, she'd been mysteriously afflicted with the desire for contact anyway. She found herself relieved somehow to feel his hand on hers. She impulsively ran her thumb over the space where his curse had once been, and found nothing there but soft, warm skin. She smiled again. She already knew the curse had been lifted, but still, it was a relief to see it gone.

"I can't be doing as well as you must be now" she murmured, not answering his question directly. He didn't need to know how poorly she'd been handling herself the past few weeks. Ni let out a loud huff, in the same way a man would cough to draw attention to himself. San turned to look at her brothers, both of whom were watching Ashitaka and her. San met their gaze with a well-placed glare, they rose to their feet and left the clearing. When she looked back at Ashitaka, she lowered her gaze, and nervously let his hand slip from hers. It felt odd now, for some reason, to be holding his hand. Not uncomfortable, but a little embarrassing, somehow.

Strange. Ashitaka hadn't been here for more than ten minutes, and because of him, she'd already gone through a whole range of emotions. More than she had in weeks, honestly. She must have been lonelier than she'd thought. No matter, she had plenty of time to dwell on the reasons behind this odd swell of feelings later.

"Walk with me?" she offered, stepping just ahead of him.

* * *

 **AN:** this chapter was deceptively short, but the next one is roughly twice as long. **  
**

This whole fic 'll probably be much longer than my last pm fic, and since I'm in college, it'll take me a long time to finish chapters. But hey, I hope some of ya will stick around to see where this goes anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

He was not so lucky as to be allowed to hold her hand again as they walked, but he was glad enough to have had the chance even once before. Instead, he was content to follow closely beside her as she walked. Even in this new forest, which had only recently sprouted up from the one lost in the war, San seemed to know her way through it quite well. Not once did she stop to consider where she was, or reexamine landmarks.

She did make sure to walk slowly enough so that Ashitaka could comfortably keep up, and occasionally she looked over to be sure he was right behind. There was so much thick foliage that it would have been easy for him to lose his footing.

They didn't make conversation as they walked. Ashitaka sensed that it wasn't due to any sort of discomfort between the two of them, and so, he made no attempt to break it. If San was so content that she felt no need to fill the silence between them, then that was all the better.

They eventually left the enclosure of the trees, and walked out into a meadow of tall grass. Now that they were out from under the shade of the trees, he noticed that the sun was out. The air was warm now, a fierce contrast to the cold that had enveloped the early morning just hours ago.

San paused at the edge of the meadow, almost like she wasn't sure about heading out into the sunlight. Her eyes flickered back to him for less than a moment before she stepped out into the light, but she walked more slowly now, each step a slight hesitation.

With her pace so slow, Ashitaka was soon walking right beside her. He watched her face to decipher the features there, hoping he could understand what had suddenly troubled her so. She stopped walking abruptly, and without turning to face him, finally spoke to Ashitaka.

"Talk to me" she said.

He blinked in surprise. Such a strange request to come from her. Of course, he had no intention of denying her, whatever it was she needed. "About what?" he asked.

San was quiet for a moment as she thought. She sat down on the grass. "Something nice" she sighed. The silence between them must have gone on for too long, to allow her mind to wander to unpleasant places, he thought. But he'd be more than happy to try to drown them out, if that was what she wanted from him.

"Yakul is healing well from his injuries" he said, sitting down beside her on the grass. "He's well enough now at least that he can run without a rider. In another week or so he should be fully recovered."

San nodded slowly. She didn't ask how Yakul had been injured. She must have naturally come to the conclusion that it was during the battle. "That is good" she agreed. "I'd be worried for him wandering the forest if he weren't well. The animals here are hungry."

Ashitaka's eyes flashed with concern for a second. "The wolf tribe as well?"

San flinched slightly before looking away, carefully considering her next words. She looked as though she felt she'd revealed too much. "My brothers can feed themselves just fine" she answered. "Pickings are always a bit slim when autumn approaches."

"I mean you" He clarified, but he knew San hadn't missed his obvious concern for her in particular. His gaze automatically hovering over her form in search of any signs of hunger. "Are you eating?"

San turned her body away from him, moving an arm across her stomach as if to hide it from his eyes. She looked almost embarrassed. "I'm not starving" she muttered indignantly, like the accusation offended her. "I can find food just fine. I just… haven't felt so hungry lately" she admitted, looking away.

"San…"

"I know" she muttered before he could finish. "I know what you're going to say. And I promise I'll take care of myself as long as you promise not to treat me like a child" she said.

He didn't quite know how to respond to that. But he felt a bit hurt that his concern for her was being interpreted that way. Perhaps it was simply her way to see it like that, he thought. Growing up in the wilds as she did, weakness may very well be considered shameful to her, and concern for the wellbeing of another, rather than kind, considered rude. He could only assume, of course. There was so much he didn't know about her, and her way of life. Maybe someday he'd learn.

"Will you at least tell me why?" he tried, determined not to let the subject go until he at least knew what was wrong. She chuckled, but it was not a joyful one. It was humorless and troubled. The coldness of her false laughter stung him, as much as it made him wish he could hear her laugh genuinely.

"I'm not sure I know why" she relented. "I just feel horrible all the time… like an illness, almost" she admitted. "It's funny, though. If it were an illness, surely eating would help. But it doesn't. Everything I do makes me feel weaker."

It was then that Ashitaka knew for certain he'd waited much too long to pay a visit to the forest, and deeply regretted the time he'd spent away from her. He had assumed that after the events of the battle, the death of the deer god, and the subsequent destruction of the forest, San would need much time alone to recuperate. It would certainly take years, even decades for those memories to subside. He knew that. But Ashitaka had wrongly assumed that his absence would be good for her throughout these first few weeks of recovery.

He'd been selfish to remain with the town for so long, repairing the damage done there, rather than the damage that was still affecting San. And although the residents of the town below the mountain were certainly important, San was took priority.

He stood up suddenly and outstretched his hand to help her to stand as well. She eyed him questioningly for a moment, but ultimately accepted his hand, and rose to stand with him. "Where are we going?" she asked with a curious frown, as Ashitaka had still not let go of her hand and was now leading her with him back into the trees. Despite the slight sternness of her tone, she allowed him to lead on.

He half turned his head to her when he answered, but it was clear he was still focused on moving forward. "You don't feel horrible now, do you?"

"I… uh…" she stammered, as if she didn't know.

He could sense she'd been caught off guard by the question, so he tried to make himself more clear. "You told me you haven't been feeling well enough to eat, so, if you feel well enough now, I want to make sure you don't go hungry."

He felt her fingers twitch when she understood him all of a sudden. Her hand spent only another second in his before she swiftly pulled it away. He stopped walking and turned to face her when she did so. "I can hunt for myself just fine" she snapped heatedly, clutching the hand that was in his just a moment ago, and running her thumb over it, as if to sooth a burn.

"I know that" he responded evenly, eyeing the hand she'd pulled from his a moment ago. He'd meant no offense, but still, it seemed his words had insulted San enough that he no longer deserved to hold her hand. He'd have to be careful about his words, but he wasn't about to give up. "Although, I haven't eaten since last evening, and I left my bow and arrows back in town. Perhaps, while we're here, you might help me to catch a meal" he said. "And, if you'd like, we could share it."

The slight slope of her brow indicated that she was fully aware of his intent. She rightly understood that this offer was for her benefit, even if Ashitaka has skipped a meal this morning. But though she was initially opposed to the idea of being taken care of, she broke her slight frown with an even slighter smile, and sighed in defeat. No, not defeat. She was simply letting him win for now. "There's a rabbit warren a little further up the hill," she said, brushing past him gently. "Unless you'd like to try your hand at bringing down a deer with your bare hands."

Was that a joke? It sounded like one, and he certainly hoped it was, but he'd never heard her speak sarcastically before, so he was left a bit unsure. Despite all he was capable of physically, he couldn't even picture himself trying to hunt that way. "By all means, show me to the warren, please" he answered, following behind her. He caught the glimpse of another smile, though her face was turned away from him now. So she had been joking. That revelation was as relieving as it was charming. San, the princess of the spirits of ghouls, beasts, and ancient gods, making jokes with a good humored smile. That was simply too endearing.

It had, for a long time, infuriated Ashitaka to know that none of the humans in Iron Town could see San the way that he did. But right now, he found himself just a little bit glad to know that there was not a soul who saw her the way he did. The desire to hold her hand began to well up in his gut once again. However, she hadn't allowed him physical contact since she pulled her hand from his a minute ago, and he wasn't going to request it. Strange that he'd wanted so badly to hold her hand all day. Since when had he been so needy for it? If he were being honest with himself, the desire to touch her hand had probably begun long before this afternoon.

It wasn't long before they came to a halt, and San looked toward a slight mound of dirt at the base of a tree. The entrance to a rabbit hole, no doubt. "Not sure how many, but there should be a few here" san said. "Rabbits don't usually wander far from their holes, so if they're not above ground, they're in there."

He took a few steps toward the little burrow, but before making a rash decision, turned around to face San again. "Any suggestions? You've probably had more practice than I have."

San angled a brow. "Haven't you ever caught a rabbit before?"

"Not without arrows" he answered. "It's the only way I've ever hunted."

She looked surprised to hear that, but resisted the urge to pry. He half wished that she did. "Since they're already in the ground, there isn't much that would draw them out now, unless you make it dangerous for them to stay underground." She explained, offering her advice simply as that from one hunter to another. "We… that is, my brothers and I, when we hunt rabbits, we usually dig them out of their warrens. Of course, before Ichi and Ni had claws big enough, we had to just wait for them to leave their holes, and then catch them after sending them into a panic." San looked oddly thoughtful as she spoke, like she was recalling a memory from her childhood. But she quickly snapped out of it when she seemed to realize she'd said more than she intended to. "So, I'd suggest using a stick, or a rock to dig them out with."

He found it strange how suddenly she steered back the veering conversation. Perhaps it wasn't unnatural for her to guard the memories of her childhood from him. After all, San had proven to be quite a private person. But regardless of how insignificant it may or may not have been, he couldn't help but wish that she trusted him enough to share more. But he didn't draw attention to her break in concentration, and instead took her advice, and took an old branch from the forest floor. He examined it for a moment, making sure it was strong enough to break the dirt before he dug into the burrow. Then, he struck the ground with it. There was no indication that his disturbance of the burrow had had any effect on its inhabitants at first. Then suddenly, a blur of grey fur went bounding out of the ground a short ways away. He reached for it in vain, but his hand grasped nothing but air, and he was thrown off balance, clumsily falling onto the dirt and grass.

She approached him, and he looked up at her just in time to see her hide a smile that he could only assume had been brought on by his complete incompetence. She waited for him to stand himself up and brush himself off before speaking. "It'll typically end up like that if you're unprepared" she said, her tone was not mocking, nor was it pandering. She was simply sharing her counsel with him as a hunter. "But now we know where they're going to run out from. Try again, and I'll catch whatever comes out. That is, if you want my help."

To say it was unusual for San to show kindness would be untrue. In fact, as Ashitaka had discovered long ago, San was very kind, just not to most humans. No, kindness was not unlike her. Politeness, however, certainly was. Surely she couldn't have thought that his pride was so great that he would refuse her help, but the simple fact that she'd allowed him a choice in the matter was courteous, even if it was unnecessary.

"I'd be a fool to refuse the help of a more experienced hunter" he said with a good natured smile.

"Don't overdo it" she said, nearly rolling her eyes. Still, he caught her smirk a bit in response to the flattery. She took her place within arm's reach of the other entrance to the rabbit hole. She looked so normal, crouched on the ground, ready to snatch whatever emerged from the rabbit hole. Any civilized human would have seemed so out of place. But her feral stance only made her seem more powerful somehow.

The ground was already a bit soft now from the previous attempt to dig into the warren, and it was easier now to push through the dirt and make the burrow collapse. After only a bit more digging, there was another flash of fur darting out of the ground.

Ashitaka looked up just in time to see San reach out and yank the rabbit by its ears. The other rabbits racing out of the ground and running past her into the bushes didn't break her concentration in the slightest for the few seconds it took to snap the creature's neck. It had all happened so quickly, and once it was over, San casually walked over to Ashitaka as if she hadn't just killed an animal with her bare hands. "Not too bad, but I can see why you stick to arrows."

He smiled in response to her teasing. "Lucky for me you were here to help" he said. She returned the smile for a moment, but quickly let it fade to adopt a more serious expression.

"You'll probably want it cooked, huh?" she said, holding up the rabbit. "I usually don't eat that way, but I keep some flint for making fire, if you're willing to walk all the way to the cave" she offered.

"No need, I have my own." He said, taking a pair of stones from the pouch at his side. "Besides, half is yours. If you'd prefer your portion raw, we should split it before it's cooked." She seemed a bit staggered when she remembered that this meal was meant to be shared. She took on a contemplative expression, but said nothing until she was prompted.

"What's wrong?" Ashitaka asked when he saw the face she made.

"Nothing." She said, shaking her head. She took out her bone knife and made an incision down from the base of the rabbit's throat to its tail. It was such a well-made cut, Ashitaka could only assume she'd made it many times before.

After making a bare patch of dirt and rock on the ground, and gathering a few bits of fallen wood, and old grass for kindling, Ashitaka made a small cooking fire. San, having by that point already finished with the messy business of preparing the meat, wasted no time waiting for Ashitaka's half to finish cooking before having her half. She apparently had not been taught the courtesy of waiting for everyone's meal to be ready before eating, unsurprisingly. But that hardly offended him. After what she'd said that morning, he was simply glad that she was eating at all.

Ashitaka couldn't help but think that if he hadn't come at all today, San never would have eaten today. An unpleasant thought, to say the least. But it wasn't so unusual for those in mourning to ignore their basic needs. And San still had a great deal of mourning to do. Perhaps he should make plans to hunt with her more often, to make sure she would at least eat, if not just as an excuse to spend time with her in the forest.

"Why cook it?" San asked suddenly, after she'd wolfed down her share of the meal.

"It's healthier" he said simply, turning over chunks of meat that were cooking on top of a rock in the fire.

"Not by much, if you're eating it fresh anyway" she argued.

"Then because it tastes better" he shrugged.

She didn't dispute again, at first. But when he glanced at her next, she clearly had more to say, and he simply waited for her to do so. "It wastes time" she said. "If you cook your food, you've got to build a fire, wait for the meat to be hot, then wait for it to cool, and only after all that do you finally eat."

"I take it your experience with cooking wasn't satisfying enough" he said, eyeing her with some amusement.

San sighed in annoyance, not at him, he reasoned, but at the idea of cooking. "It didn't help that I had to teach myself how" she muttered. "Curiosity and creativity only got me so far."

"Oh?" he smiled. "Sounds like an interesting story" he said, feeding the fire another short branch.

San's irritated expression broke for a moment when she recalled the memory with what seemed to be good humor. "Yes," she agreed, "but one without a happy ending, I'm afraid."

"Did it really end in such disaster?" he asked, urging her to share. While he was genuinely interested, he wouldn't have pried unless he was sure that this was indeed a pleasant memory, as her light-hearted tone suggested it was. Of course, she was free to pick and choose what memories she wished to share, but he would naturally want to hear them all.

"You could hardly blame me, I was a child" she explained, smiling now as she recalled the memory. "I'd just figured out how click flint together into sparks. Something I was very proud of for a few good minutes, until I accidently caught the grass on fire. Luckily, I managed to stomp it out before it spread at all."

"Awfully brave of you" he smiled sincerely. "Especially for someone new to fire."

"I was hardly brave" she disagreed. "Careless was more like it. Immediately after killing the fire, I started another one. Granted, I was a lot more careful my second try, but it was still a terrible idea."

"Sounds like you were awfully determined to conquer the flames." He said, easily finding a way to frame her childish endeavors as admirable, somehow, even if in a playful manner.

"Something like that" she allowed, smiling just a little. "After I had it contained, I tested it out by putting all kinds of little things inside. Seeds, rocks, flowers, whatever was laying around. I was surprised to find that fire was pretty good at eating anything I gave it. So, naturally, being only a few winters old, I decided to try feeding it my food. It was cooked to chars when the fire died down, and, as I discovered, didn't taste good at all. I tried again a few days later, and that time, was smart enough not to leave my food in the heart of the flames for long. But it got dirty from the coals, and I couldn't clean it off. I didn't try to cook again for a very long time."

"But you did try again?"

"When I got older, and thought I knew better what to do with fire, I tried to cook meat again. I managed to roast a goat without burning all the meat inside. But… it just wasn't good enough. After all that time I spent trying to get it right, and all the times I burned my fingers, I expected it to be much better than it was. Cooked meat only tastes like warm meat. It's just not good enough for the effort it takes to make."

"That does sound disappointing when you put it that way" he agreed, gently pushing the stone out of the fire with a stick. He let the meat cool now, satisfied with their light brown tint. "I'm lucky I was taught how to use fire by people who could cook."

San was quiet for a moment. Thinking and considering carefully before responding. "Your… family. Was it them that taught you?" she asked carefully. Ashitaka nearly flinched when she asked. He hadn't realized when he brought it up that he was steering the conversation toward his past. His old home, the Emishi village. It was still a deep cut in his heart, when he was severed from everything he knew so suddenly. Still, he'd brought it up, and if he refused to discuss it with San now, he was refusing her that place in his life that rightfully belonged to her.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked. I just-"

"The whole village was my family" he answered evenly, before she could withdraw her question. No. he wouldn't shut her out. Not when she'd asked so sweetly to know him just a little better. He wanted her to know him, after all. "Some much more distantly than others, but we all treated each other like close family. Every adult would help raise the children. So while I can't say for sure who it was that taught me how to use fire, I suppose, it was my family" he answered, smiling at her reassuringly, so she would know her question had not wounded him.

He could see the relief wash away her wary expression, once he'd spoken so calmly. But still, she rightfully seemed to sense that she'd pried enough, and didn't question him further. Though she could have easily asked him anything, and there was no doubt in his mind that he would have answered her.

The meat was cool enough now to eat, Ashitaka found after he'd pinched a piece of it between his fingers to test it. He ate slowly, knowing that once he finished, he'd no longer have an excuse to stay. The sun was getting low, and he would need to return to town before night fell.

"Why today?" San asked suddenly as soon as he'd finished eating.

"What do you mean?"

"Why come here today? Why not tomorrow, or… a week ago…" she trailed off.

The question stung him, but he knew he deserved the sting. He could easily detect the frustration, and the unhappiness in her words. She missed him, and despite himself, he was a little relieved to know she had. Perhaps that made him cruel.

"The town was in ruins. I had to help them rebuild." He said, knowing as he did that it was a poor excuse. But it was the truth, at least mostly. He saw her clench her hands into fists on her lap. She was about to retort. To scold him, or chastise him, he suspected. But she swallowed her frustration, and left the topic hanging uncomfortably in the air above them. He wished she had yelled. Wished she'd taken out her dirty knife and struck him. "I'm sorry" he said, as he stood and kicked dirt over what was left of the fire, stepping it out until all the embers had been choked out.

He didn't expect her to forgive him, and she did not. That was alright. He deserved it. She stood up before he could offer her his hand. "Are you really?" she asked coldly.

"Yes" he said, facing her. "I would redo it, if I could." There were very few things Ashitaka regretted. He didn't regret shooting Nago that fateful day, or going to Iron Town, or sparing Eboshi's life. But he would have taken back every moment he ever cause San pain.

"If you could," she allowed, "when would you have come here?"

"The day after I left you" he answered at once.

She huffed a sigh and crossed her arms, but spoke much more calmly next. "Well, you can't."

"I know."

She looked at him for only another few seconds before she turned away. "I'll lead you back to Yakul." She said, and spoke not another word to him as they walked. Her hostility seemed to cool as they walked, but Ashitaka knew that they weren't completely finished talking about it.

It didn't take them long to return. Yakul was waiting patiently at the same clearing he'd been left at, and looked up eagerly to see his master. He didn't have to explain to her why he had to go, he didn't need to say anything at all. She had understood for a long time now that his allegiance to the humans in Iron town was something that couldn't be dissuaded. Ashitaka turned to San before mounting the elk.

"I'll be back soon" he said. It was a promise for both their sakes.

She nodded lightly in understanding. "When?"

"I can't be sure yet. I'll need to discuss that with Eboshi" he said. "I expect I'll be back in a week." She nodded again, this time bearing a slight smile of relief.

"Well…" she began, taking a moment to search for an appropriate farewell. "I hope you come back soon."

"As do I" he said. He resisted the urge to touch her one more time. He wanted so badly just to hold her, so she would know he meant it. But he knew he would not be allowed it. He steered Yakul out of the clearing, and down the mountain before the desire became too strong. She was left standing in the open until he disappeared from view. She then sank into the darkening forest, like the spirit she was.

* * *

 **AN** : Next chap might be a while. We'll see. Anyway, reviews are always appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun was low when Ashitaka set out back to town. It would be dark by the time he got there. Perhaps it would be late enough for all the villagers to be asleep, so he could more easily avoid being confronted about his absence.

The townsfolk never took kindly to the mention of San. If he was asked to explain himself, or his reason for spending the day with her, he very much doubted the townsfolk would take that any better. It was best to keep away from the topic as much as possible with them.

Naturally, if they asked him about it, he wouldn't shy from the truth. This was a trip he would make many more times again. Lying about what he was doing would only serve to rescind the trust he was building with the townspeople.

He was at the edge of the forest, close enough now to town that it could be seen faintly down the mountain, Ashitaka saw wolves blocking his path. It was no mystery who they were, as there were only two wolves in all the forest. Well, two and a half. He slowed Yakul to a stop, and waited politely as the twins neared him. He waited for them to speak first.

"Heading back to your town, then, human?" Ni growled, glaring up at Ashitaka.

"Yes" he answered simply.

"We would like a word. Don't worry, we won't keep you long, human" Ichi reassured, a little more politely than his brother. "Get off of that elk, we will speak to you at the level of our eyes."

Ashitaka did so, and Yakul loyally remained standing beside him, without fear of the wolves. Ichi and Ni stood in front of him, each bearing their teeth a bit as they stared squarely at the man, an act that would've terrified any other human, but Ashitaka had faced the wolves before.

"Human," Ichi began, "do you plan to return here?"

"Yes. As often as I can." He answered quickly, with no need to consider the question.

"And if you are not wanted?" Ni cut in, almost snarling, but not quite.

"Whatever your opinion of me may be, it won't keep me from seeing San" Ashitaka said resolutely.

"If that's the case, then what was keeping you before?" Ni growled back.

"We are not here on our own account" Ichi clarified, before his brother could get himself more riled up. "We're here because of our shared concern for San. You see, because it took you so long to see her, San has been lonesome."

"I know" he said with a sigh of resignation. "I shouldn't have been gone for so long."

"It was much more than a mistake!" Ni barked.

"You don't understand, because after the war you were better off." Ichi said, his voice much more even than his brother's. "Your curse was lifted, you had people to go back to, and a place to stay. But for us, the war was the end of everything. And you left her alone."

Ashitaka let his gaze fall, and made no attempt to defend himself from the accusation. It was true, after all. There was no excuse for what he did. He had already realized what a poor decision it had been not to visit for so long, but he knew now that the only way to make up for it was to be there for her as often as he could now. He was already working to correct his mistake.

"The point is, whether we like it or not, the two of us, and you, are all San has left. So you better be good to her" Ichi finished.

"If you ever make her cry, we'll kill you. And we'll gladly go through each and every last human in the world if it means we can rip your throat out for hurting her" Ni added. "Are we clear?"

Ashitaka's gaze was unwavering. "If I were ever to hurt San, there's nothing that I would want more than to die."

"Then all is as it should be." Ichi said, satisfied for now. After a moment more of affixed glares, the twin wolves turned and left Ashitaka and his stead alone again. They slunk into the woods again. Ashitaka remained standing a while after the wolves had left before he mounted Yakul again and went on his way down the mountain to the town below.

* * *

San wrapped herself in animal furs. Her skin had yet to adjust to this new cold chill that fell over the land with the night. She would need to start wearing a fur coat again. Every winter she was fiercely reminded of her own hairlessness. And with her brothers always wearing fur of their own, the fact that her skin was always so bare only served to humiliate her in addition to the natural chill of winter. Of course, her brothers hadn't teased her for it in many years, but it bothered her all the same.

She sighed, letting her breath make a cloud that floated up and dissipated in the cold air of the night. It was too cold to sleep, so all she could do was let her thoughts drift. And of course, when her mind was allowed to wonder, it inevitably focused its attention on thoughts of Ashitaka.

She'd been trying so hard not to dwell on thoughts of him. But now that she'd finally had the chance to see him today, it apparently wasn't possible to push them away, especially when she was alone, without distractions.

What was that weird feeling all about? The strange urge to be near him. It wasn't completely foreign, she recalled a similar feeling back when she tended his wounds. But she'd likened that feeling to something else, nothing more than a nurturing one. He had after all been at her mercy, it was not so strange that her compassionate emotions had kicked in.

But the feeling she'd had lately for him wasn't simply one that compelled her to keep him alive. It was… something else. It felt much more complicated, but when she tried to decipher the nature of the feeling, she only knew it was some desire to be near him.

Perhaps she could understand the feeling better if she knew when it started. She gritted her teeth, knowing that she'd be recalling some memories that she still had not lingered on since the war ended. But her curiosity was greater than her fear.

She searched her memory for anything that had been at all like the feeling. She'd felt nothing upon her first encounter with him, nothing resembling this feeling, at least. She hadn't felt it when she saw him again at Iron town, the night she went there for revenge. Not when he tried to pry her away from Eboshi in the midst of their fight.

And then, she drew a knife to his throat, and threatened to kill him. She remembered that very well. He was entirely without fear, thanks in no small part to his draining consciousness. And then just before he fell out of wakefulness, he'd called her beautiful.

She doubted he could even remember he'd ever done it, and maybe his mutterings could be blamed on his head injury. But even so, those words had stuck with her. The feelings then had been confusion, bewilderment, and maybe, just maybe, some small sliver of the strange feeling now living in her gut.

Perhaps she'd also felt it when she brought him to the lake of the Deer God, though much less staggeringly than the feeling had been initially. Then again when she fed him the morning she found him alive. And every day she cared for him as he slept. And the night before he departed, when she at last found him wakeful.

That was the end of all the pleasant memories, she realized. She could go back further still, to contemplate the origins of the feeling, but it would mean revisiting some still very painful memories. The sorts of memories that she had yet only recalled in nightmares.

She'd entered into battle alongside the boars. She remembered the explosions, and leading Okoto to safety alongside her only brother to make it out of the fight with her. She remembered Okoto fall, and the hunters in the skins of fallen boar warriors. Then, she heard the brother she thought dead howling, and in the distant conversation she learned that Ashitaka was with him. The feeling she'd had then was easy to name. Relief. Relieved to know Ni was alright. But… hadn't she also felt relieved somehow to know that Ashitaka had returned? She found herself clutching her arm tightly as she considered this.

Why did that matter? She couldn't have known his presence would make any difference at all. Realistically, knowing he had returned to the forest should have frustrated her. Angered her, even, to know someone who'd caused so much trouble had come back. So then why had she felt so glad to hear that he was near? And when was the last time she felt so glad to see him?

A memory came unbidden to her mind. An unpleasant one. She was trapped in the coils of the demon, Okoto. Her fingers curled tighter around the soft skin of her arms as she recalled the memory. The burn of it. The sickly twisting of each snaking extremity. The memory of the feeling alone was enough to make her tremble. It had clearly been a mistake to try to remember the past.

San bit down on her tongue, just hard enough to hurt, in a well-rehearsed motion. This memory was common to her now, as was her remedy for it. Before her memory of it subsided, she recalled the sound of Ashitaka's voice. She remembered so vividly the pain of the demon's hold on her, but somehow the memory of the sound of his voice calling out her name was clearer in her mind. That, the instant when she'd heard him call for her, scream out in desperation for her, she'd felt that unnamed feeling. Terror, agony, and misery, certainly. But there was no mistaking that same strange urge to be near him.

She bit down on her tongue a little harder now, just enough to push away the vivid memory for good. As the images and sounds faded back to the depths of her mind again, she loosened her jaw, and the pain in her mouth dulled. And now she sat still, done with mulling over the meanings behind her feelings for a human, for now.

Ichi and Ni came into the den, interrupting once and for all any stirring thoughts she might've had at the time. She turned to see Ni lay down on the floor without a pause, while Ichi continued toward her. He sat beside her without speaking, like he sensed the atmosphere and was wary of it.

"Where were you two?" San asked. The fact that they'd left initially when Ashitaka arrived that morning did not surprise her, but the fact that they had not returned for so long had. Their absence had been so uncommon lately.

"We saw the human away" Ichi said simply.

San eyed her brother suspiciously. "I doubt that was out of the goodness of your hearts. What did you do that for?"

"We only spoke with him. Straightened things out" Ichi explained.

"If you tire of him, we can make sure he keeps away" Ni said from his place on the floor.

San sighed, releasing her grip on her arms, and sitting up straighter. Of course, they tried to intimidate him. What prompted their hostility, she had no idea, nor did she care to ask. "He's free to come and go as he pleases, obviously" she answered simply. "He knows that."

"We only ask because he seemed intent on returning" Ichi explained. San smiled just a bit upon hearing that. So, he would come back. Again, that unfamiliar feeling rose up just a little.

"But if he has offended you at all, we will be sure to deal with him" he went on, taking no notice of San's short reprieve.

"If he offends me, I'll kill him myself" San retorted impatiently, to further bury her inward feeling that she was still trying to make sense of. "He isn't your responsibility, after all" she went on. Ichi Let out a deep sigh, and then breathed inward through his nose. When he did so, something seemed to catch his attention. He sniffed the air several more times, then turned to San.

"You cooked rabbit?" he asked in disbelief.

"Uh, no" she said, hesitating to give them details about her time with Ashitaka for reasons she herself didn't quite understand.

"I smell fire and lapin on you. Rabbits don't cook themselves" he reasoned, staring sternly at San.

San growled in frustration, and pushed his snout away with the palm of her hand. "Settle down. It was Ashitaka who cooked the rabbit. I only ate the raw half. Not that it's a crime anyway" she relented.

Ni rose his head up and interjected. "You ate together?"

"Wasn't exactly the first time" she said, folding her arms together and looking down to hide her face, as if she were subconsciously ashamed of it. She shouldn't have felt embarrassed, and yet, the attention her brothers drew to the subject made her feel… unguarded. No longer private, like their time together was supposed to have been. "Besides, we hunted together, why shouldn't we have eaten together?" she continued, as if she were looking to excuse the behavior that she knew had been unusual.

"Hmph" Ni snorted, laying his head back down. "So, you'd rather eat with a human than your own family?"

"Leave it be" Ichi broke in before San could answer. And she was grateful he did, because she had no retort for such an accusation. He was sort of right, after all. Ichi rose to his feet and walked over to his brother's side. "Just be glad her appetite has returned" he whispered to him, but not quietly enough for San not to hear but she said nothing in response.

Her twin brothers curled up beside each other to sleep, as they often did. But she did not join them in their pile of fur for a good while after they'd gone to sleep. Instead, she spent the late hours of the night like she had spent much of the day, thinking.

* * *

He was woken by a nudge to the shoulder. He opened his eyes, and found himself, regrettably, no longer in the place of his dreams. Instead, he woke up in a wrap on the floor of the commune.

"Sorry, sir" an older, larger man muttered after waking him. "but it's about time to get to work."

He nodded, but couldn't muster up the energy to respond verbally. His sleep had been stirred by many vivid images and sounds. His mind had had hardly any real rest. He sat up and began to dress himself in an old grey kimono and a pair of slightly torn pants. His usual outfit was folded neatly at his bedside, where he'd left it the night before.

Though he preferred the fine blue fabrics of his own tribe, they were not suited best for work. From now on his traditional clothing would have to be reserved for the special occasions when he paid the forest a visit.

He went with the other men outside to work, something he had grown accustomed to after weeks of this task. The weather was favorable at least; clear sky, and cool air. There was no telling how much longer the skies would remain this way, so work was more important this last week before autumn than ever before.

The most important buildings had been taken care of already. Sleeping quarters, food storage, animal pens, etcetera, had been the very first to be rebuilt after the destruction of Iron Town. All that remained were slightly less important things, like fences for the newly planted crops, and individual houses, so not so many would be confined to the communes.

Today, Ashitaka, along with a dozen or so others, worked on fences around the small fields of crops that had been recently planted. With the season getting colder, the beasts were beginning to take to the crops they were growing. A fence likely wouldn't keep them out for good, but, it would be a start.

They were still building using remains of the structures that had been wrecked in the battle. There was plenty of it left, after all. And it was fairly easy that way. They only had to chop the wood into proper shape, and nail it into place.

The sun was climbing high when the workers started taking breaks to eat, and rest their arms. Ashitaka took a swig of water from the pouch at his belt, but otherwise didn't stop working, while others had been sitting down in the shade for several minutes. Among those resting in the shade were Toki, and her husband, Korouku. When she saw him glance for a moment in their direction, she waved to him and called him over. He fastened the water pouch to his side again, and went to them.

"Hope ya weren't planning on avoiding us forever" Toki chuckled, tapping a bench across from her with her foot. "When's the last time we had a chat?"

"It's been a few days" he answered, taking a seat on the bench across from the two of them.

"What's that about?" she asked jokingly, "You avoiding us or something? Why didn't I see you at all yesterday?"

"You took the day off, right?" Korouku cut in, making a place for himself in the conversation. "I don't mean to dig into your personal matters, but, what for?"

"I went to see San" he answered with no trace of hesitation in his tone. There was no mistaking the uncomfortable looks the couple across from him exchanged, or their quick attempts to hide their discomfort. He'd expected some reaction like this, but he couldn't deny that it still wounded him a bit to see the townspeople react like this to the mention of her.

"That's still happening?" Korouku asked right before getting a quick kick to the side from his wife.

"I think what he's trying to say," Toki interrupted, "is that… well… most of us assumed that your relation to the forest spirits was… political."

"It _isn't_ " he corrected, emphasizing the present tense. "It's always been personal."

"Don't get us wrong, we never thought you were working with them against us, like some others did" Korouku clarified, rubbing his now sore side. "We just… well… thought you were playing the diplomat. We sort of assumed you'd be done by now."

"Well, she hasn't banished me yet" he said with a good humored smile.

Toki did not seem reassured at all by the jest, and glanced about quickly before speaking again in a quieter tone. "Well, not everyone here is as forgiving as you, I'm afraid" she sighed. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you how many rough feelings there still are around here."

"You don't. I know." He answered coolly, taking in a heavy breath before continuing. "I don't care if people know about it or not."

"Well, even if you don't, I do" she said, crossing her arms. "Last thing we need now is for some fool to hear you've been playing nice with our old enemy, and running off into the woods to try reminding everyone why there was a war in the first place."

"There isn't anything left to fight over. With the town in the condition it is, I can't see anyone being so foolish" he said. "I know my decision won't be popular, but I'm not going to lie about it."

Toki sighed and relaxed her arms a little. "Still, that girl took a lot of lives. I know you can forgive her, and no one here is going to think less of you for doing so. But still it happened, and most people aren't so eager to forget what those beasts have done. Maybe, just for the sakes of those who've lost loved ones, it's best not to be so open about your visits to the mountain."

Before Ashitaka had time to carefully respond, the three of them were interrupted by one of Ebosi's guards who'd only just suddenly walked up to them. "You've been summoned, sir. Lady Eboshi wants to speak with you."

Ashitaka gave him a nod, and rose to his feet, giving the couple one last look before departing. Perhaps it was best to leave before giving Toki an answer. She had a good point, and she likely knew the other townsfolk better than he did. But keeping quiet about his affiliation with San hardly seemed like the solution to the remaining animosity between the forest and the town.

He wanted very much to be open about it. For everyone to know who it was he was seeing in the forest on the days he wasn't working. But he understood the need for confidentiality. He only hoped in time it would change.

* * *

 **AN** : well this chapter sure did go up on valentines day. I'd say that's because I love u guys, but honestly it was kind of an accident.

I'm sure every author ever on this site has said this, but seriously thanks for the reviews, fellas. u make my heart happy. ilu.

and because i love you, im gonna be honest when i say the next bit is probably gonna take a while to finish, so, don't hold you're breath, but please do keep following this fic if you like what you've read so far. i mean no pressure or anything. do what you want, bud.

also i drew a new cover image so that's a thing. enjoy that.


	4. Chapter 4

The forge had begun conversion into a longhouse a while ago, but had still not been fully rebuilt. Most of the floor remained, but the walls and roof were in total disrepair. It was unlikely that repairs would be complete any time soon. But even so, Lady Eboshi had still insisted on meeting here rather than outside.

Even now, half the walls were open, and it would have been easy for anyone to eavesdrop. Eboshi was well aware of this, surely, but either she trusted her people very much, or didn't consider the conversation she was having with Ashitaka now so important that it needed complete privacy.

She already speaking with Gonza when Ashitaka entered. He couldn't quite make out the conversation, but heard her mention something about their routes, and she used the word 'bargain' more than once. Another step closer to the two of them, and they finally seemed to notice his presence. Eboshi moved her hand over the fabric that hid her missing limb as she turned back to her man servant.

"You have your orders, Gonza." She said, dismissing him. He looked like he was about to argue, but instead simply nodded and exited the room. Gonza grumbled as he pushed past Ashitaka, making no effort to disguise his irritation. Eboshi gestured for Ashitaka to step closer. "This won't take long, but I figured you'd appreciate one less pair of ears" she said.

"What is it?" he asked, not impatiently, but not warmly either. It was the same way he always spoke to her. It was very clear that he did not look up to her like her people did.

"Right to the point then? Alright. It's about the wolf girl." Eboshi said rather flatly, paying his mood no attention.

" _San_ " he corrected automatically.

"I assume you'll be returning to the forest to see her regularly. When are you planning to see her next?" she asked, ignoring his correction.

"I'm going back in a week" he answered. "Or when repairs can be carried on without my help. Whichever comes first."

"You know you don't owe us your help" she said, and then frowned as she went on. "Which is why what I am about to ask of you might be unfair" she said with a sigh of resignation. "I hope you'll forgive me for asking, but know that I must."

Ashitaka said nothing. Normally he'd be glad to help, if it meant helping the townsfolk. But knowing that San would be part of this made him unsure. It stood to reason that if it had to do with San, then whatever Eboshi wanted of him couldn't be good.

"I need you to negotiate with her" she said.

Ashitaka let his surprise show for a moment before responding. "I'm not your envoy" he said simply. And it was true. He'd delivered a message on behalf of Iron town once before, but that was an extreme case, when lives were in danger.

He couldn't blame her for asking, however. It would make sense to send someone she knew into the forest to talk to her. But even as logical as it was, it didn't sit right with him. He didn't want to risk reducing his relationship with San to nothing more than a political one, no matter how noble Eboshi's intentions might be.

"I had a feeling you'd say something like that" Eboshi sighed. "At least let me explain. When the forest grew back after the death of the Nightwalker, it grew back best nearest the mountain. You've been to the forest, I'm sure you know how much more healthy it is up there than down here by the lake. The trees far up the mountain are much taller than the ones at the edge of the forest. Consequently, that's where all the animals are. We haven't dared go near the mountain for a long time now, but my people are hungry, and there's little to hunt here."

"What's wrong with the rice you've been growing?" Ashitaka argued.

"A few fields of rice won't feed us when winter comes. And if this town is ever to grow, we will need a more reliable supply of food."

"What about the food you bought from other settlements before? Surely you can afford to trade for some food like you used to."

Eboshi let out a crestfallen sigh, and lifted her hand to gesture toward the crumbling walls of the building. "Our trade routes were all nullified when this forge burned down. We have no Iron to sell, and that was all anyone wanted to trade for" she said. "In fact, now that we aren't producing any more Iron, I've been thinking I ought to change the name of our little town. Not that Iron Town was ever very creative to begin with, but now it's stuck…" she mused with a grin.

"Isn't there anything you could trade?" Ashitaka pressed.

"I was in the process of negotiating a new trade before you came in. I've been in contact with another town, a ways away for a little while now, and I'm trying to work something out with them, but im afraid it isn't going well" Eboshi explained. "I'm doing my best. We all are. But it isn't enough. If you could just get us permission to hunt in some small part of the forest, we can last through winter."

"I know how much it means for the people to be well fed" Ashitaka said. "But San sacrificed everything for her home, I doubt anything I could say would make her give any of it up now. I don't know if I can help you."

"You're the only one who can try. If I sent anyone else into the forest, they'd be killed" She lowered her voice to a more serious one. "She's a killer. You know that."

Ashitaka felt a sting upon hearing the accusation he knew was true. Yes, she was a killer, but so was Eboshi, and so was he. There was once a time when that fact would have eaten him up inside, but now it only stung. "War made killers of us all. You've taken as many lives as she has."

"How true" Eboshi said. She managed to form a grin, dissolving the uneasy atmosphere between them somewhat. "And she's a killer who fancies you, so you're still our best chance of getting her permission."

The mixed emotions he felt in response to her comment were not noticeable on his features. But judging by her smirk, Eboshi knew she'd stricken a chord, regardless of his passive expression. Her words were meant as a tease, he knew that. But to acknowledge them at all would only encourage Eboshi to do so more often, and Ashitaka preferred that Eboshi have as little to say about his relationship with San as possible.

"I'll ask her, but I can't promise anything" he responded.

"Thank you, Ashitaka" Eboshi smiled, this time more genuinely. "That's all I need from you."

* * *

A week had passed since last Ashitaka made his visit to the mountain. If what he'd said to San before was worthy of the faith she put to it, he would be coming back soon. There was admittedly some doubt in her mind, after all, even he hadn't been certain when he told her he'd return in a week. But she hoped.

She walked the boundaries of her territory with her brothers. They wandered a little ways across from her, occasionally putting their noses to the dirt, or raising their ears to the air. Ni caught a whiff of something, and tore off into the underbrush without a word of warning, leaving Ichi and San by themselves. He took the opportunity to speak to her.

"You seem on edge today" Ichi observed, keeping pace alongside her.

"I'm not" she said as evenly as she could. It wasn't true, but she was hardly willing to divulge every disquiet of her heart at the moment.

"Is the human coming back today?" he asked.

"Who knows?" she answered, as indifferently as possible. She'd been thinking about it all week, honestly, but the last thing she wanted was for anyone to know how much she'd missed Ashitaka. Truth be told, she didn't want to admit it herself. It'd only been a week since last he visited. To miss him already would be truly pathetic of her.

That seemed to be enough to put an end to Ichi's questions. He remained quiet after that. Ni appeared out from the bushes in front of them with a dead ermine hanging out of his mouth, and stepped toward San, offering it to her.

"Eat" he muttered.

San pushed his muzzle away in gentle refusal, and walked on past him. "Not hungry" she said.

Ni growled low in his throat, and drove his teeth between the meat of the animal in his mouth before swallowing it whole. "Saving room in your stomach for human food, no doubt" he huffed bitterly.

This accusation caught her off-guard. She turned to look at her brother, confused and a little angry. "I don't eat human food."

"You've eaten little more than scraps for days. The last time you had more than a mouthful of meat was when the human was with you."

"Just because I ate with him doesn't mean I ate human food. I ate what I killed."

"Yes, and you haven't killed much more than mice, aside from your meal with the human."

"What does it matter to you?" San snapped, growing more irritated with him.

Ni scoffed, "You eat with a human, and expect it not to matter?" He turned to Ichi, who had been quiet thus far, beseeching his brother to take his side. "She treats this human as an equal to us, her own family, and does not understand why it is wrong."

"Sharing a meal with him doesn't mean anything." She denied quickly, before Ichi had the chance to side with either of them. Hearing her own words, she felt they were wrong, somehow. But it was true, wasn't it?

"Our tribe eats together, San. Our family." Ni said, his voice full of bitternes. "Not us and the humans."

San opened her mouth to argue, but had no words. She took a few seconds to articulate her thoughts, and when she did speak, it was quieter, but just as resolute as ever. "He's not just a human."

"The hell he isn't!"

"He fought to help us!"

"He also fought to help our enemy!"

" _He_ isn't our enemy!"

Ni growled loudly, scoffing. "Listen to yourself! In case you've forgotten, the humans are the ones who've been trying to kill us! Burning our forest, digging into our mountain, and poisoning our air with their smoke. And here you stand, defending one of them." He spat, teeth bared and claws digging into the dirt. "If she were here now, Mother would be-"

"Ni! Still your tongue!" Ichi cut in quickly, just as San's fingers began to curl into fists. "We will not speak of it now."

Ni was about to protest, but only growled and shook his head as he darted away into the thick of the trees a moment later, without another word. Ichi turned to face his sister, noting the clench of her teeth and hands. He offered her no words of comfort, but looked back at her for some sign she would be alright.

"Let's go" she said suddenly, turning away from her brother's worried gaze and moving onward. Her blood was still pumping with rage as she walked. Her mind racing with emotions. Furious at her brother for invoking mention of their mother, and the accusation that Ashitaka was no better than the humans who'd killed her. It made her absolutely livid.

And in addition to the anger, the mere mention of their mother had stunned her. For a moment in the midst of her rage, she was reminded that her mother's corpse lied rotting. And all at once, the powerful indignant fury she felt was rendered weak, and helpless. The pain of it stung her right to the very core.

Her fingers gradually relaxed as she walked. Her anger was pushed back gradually as her thoughts were allowed to focus on mundane things. The trees, the grass, the early morning wind in the leaves. These were normal, pleasant things. She dragged her fingers across the bark of the trees she walked by, just to give her skin some sensation. She slowly started feeling a little better.

Ni had brought up the topic of their mother's death once before, days after the death of the Deer God. The subject had been just as poorly received then as it was this time. San had ardently refused to speak of it, and it was clear to both her brothers that she needed more time to mourn. But it had been a long time since, and still San would still be stricken with anxiety each time Moro was so much as mentioned.

It was not as bad as it had been in the first few weeks, however. She no longer was driven into fits of panic, and while her dreams were still disturbed for much of the time she spent sleeping, she hadn't cried herself into her nightmares for a little while now.

It wasn't as if Ichi and Ni did not feel the same grief that San did. But their mourning had been done, and they only wanted to remember their mother fondly now that she was gone. Out of respect for San, the brothers had done their best not to speak of their mother. But ignoring the fact that their mother's severed head still lied rotting by the lake on the mountain only set Ni more at edge. It seemed only a matter of time until finally Ni would break, and the siblings would have to have the discussion that San so dreaded.

They came across a herd of deer as they walked, that sprinted away quickly after being spotted. Neither of them bothered giving chase. They weren't really hunting, after all. Just walking the boundaries of what remained of their home. They covered little ground in that time, but what space they did walk was covered quickly. Likely because there was significantly less forest ground now to cover.

They passed by a few Kodama here and there, sitting up in high branches, or nestled under the tangles of roots. None of them wandered from their trees. These new, young kodama were so different from the ones before. They were fewer, and much more cowardly. San couldn't blame them. These new trees had, after all, been born of the death of their god.

San and Ichi had stopped to rest at the edge of a small hill. Once again, their scouting had yielded no scent of intruders, thus far. But San could never quite shake the feeling that one of these days there would be a stranger in the forest. Perhaps one of these days Eboshi would come back to finish off the rest of her family.

"San" Ichi said suddenly, interrupting her somber thoughts. "Will you be alright?"

She was unsure what he meant for a moment, and then she shrugged. "Don't worry about me."

"For as long as you act worrisome, I will worry" he replied.

"I'm _fine_ " she insisted firmly.

Her ears twitched at the sound of a howl, and she quickly rose to her feet. She recognized the voice as Ni's. After all, it couldn't have been anyone else's. What any human would have heard only as a howl, San recognized as an alert. Her heart beat faster, as every muscle in her body strained itself to hear the warning.

The call came again, and she listened more carefully. The howl was like the one they used when humans were about. Only this one didn't refer to just any human. In the midst of the cry, she heard mention of Ashitaka. The pounding in her chest that was at first fear, was suddenly exhilaration.

It was Ashitaka. He was here, in the forest. She could hardly believe it. She hurried down the mountain toward the sound, Ichi following behind. She hadn't ran so fast in a long time, driven not only by her desire to see him, but also by the knowledge that Ni had found him, and was not so pleased to have him here as she was.

It didn't take her long to reach them. She saw Yakul first, his light brown fur standing out easily against the green of the trees. A little distance away, she saw Ashitaka, garbed in the fine blue fabrics of his age old tribe. He didn't see her immediately, his attention was focused on the wolf glaring daggers and snarling at him. It wasn't until San and Ichi came into view that Ni took a step away.

"Ashitaka…" she muttered quietly in relief at the sight of him. He turned his back to the angry wolf in order to face her, as if in response to her saying his name. Though she was sure she'd said it much too quietly for him to hear.

Somehow, it seemed that his gaze had a power to it. A strength that overwhelmed her. San tried to put aside the mysterious feeling welling up in her chest once again, and was unable. She neared him, taking each step with careful haste, and found herself reaching out to touch him. In a moment, she had her hand on the sleeve of his arm. Surprised with herself, she glanced up at him to gauge his reaction.

He was smiling at her. Clearly, her impulse to touch him had not been poorly received. But when he reached out to reciprocate the gesture, she pulled away, a little too quickly, giving away her embarrassment. What had come over her?

She distracted the feeling in her chest by turning an angry glare to her brother. He met her gaze with a huff, but said nothing. He was lucky that that was the extent of her anger for now, considering what he'd said that morning, and how he'd greeted Ashitaka. He sauntered away from her, but remained near enough still that he remained within earshot of whatever conversation they had.

"I hope my arrival wasn't too unwelcome" Ashitaka said, drawing her attention back to him. The genuinely apologetic tone of his voice caught her off-guard. Did he really think he wasn't allowed here?

"Don't pay him any mind," she said dismissively. "He's been like this for some time." She shook the thought away, and then, as she found herself smiling, added "besides, _I'm_ happy to see you."

"Well, that's all that matters." He smiled briefly, and then suddenly, frowned uneasily. "San, I'm afraid that this isn't a completely social visit" he told her, in an abnormally uncomfortable tone that only made San equally uncomfortable.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

He lowered his head for a moment, and breathed deeply, preparing himself for what was next. He briefly eyed the two wolves standing a ways away, and then focused his attention back to San. "Eboshi asked me to negotiate with you, San."

Before all the words had left his mouth, San was already cringing. Her lips curled into a slight grimace, and she visibly stiffened. Her brothers reacted similarly, their ears pulled back, and their tails high as they snarled.

"That damned woman?!" Ni barked, moving to stand beside his siblings in order to glare at Ashitaka more effectively. "We will negotiate _nothing_!"

"She has only ever taken from us what she wanted, and never asked permission." Ichi growled. "How dare she come to us now, after all she-"

"Alright" San interrupted her brothers. "We'll talk." She spoke much more calmly than either Ashitaka, or her own brothers would have expected. But there was still an unmistakable edge to her words. Ashitaka knew that it was but a sliver of the hatred she felt for the woman.

"'We'? What makes you think I'll deign to hear her request?" Ni barked. "She doesn't deserve to be heard, much less negotiated with."

"if you'd rather not be a part of this, suit yourself." San replied dismissively. "I would handle this better without you anyway." She looked to Ichi questioningly, and he slowly shook his head in response.

"I trust you to come to a suitable decision on your own, sister" he said. "I have neither the need, nor the desire to join you for these negotiations."

"fine. I'll meet up with you two later" she said, and turned back to Ashitaka. She looked at him momentarily with an unnamable emotion. She seemed somewhat disappointed, and maybe a little bit frustrated. But whatever she was feeling, she did not speak it. "We'll discuss this elsewhere" she said as she turned away from him, and started up the hill. He followed her.

She did not look back to make sure he was keeping pace, or even slow as his footsteps became a bit distant. She was making a conscious effort not to look at him, or pay any more attention to him than she did to the ground she walked. But it wasn't because she didn't want to be look at him, or indulge in that ever present urge to be near him.

But something was a little bit different now. He was here, yes, but he had clearly not come back just for her, and she felt a bit foolish for hoping that he would have. And now that she knew it, she felt the need to keep her distance.

Being alone with him usually felt… nice. Their time together was a welcome change she'd been anticipating all week long. She'd even reached out to hold his hand today, giving into that mysterious feeling.

Did he know he had this effect on her? Was that the reason he was here? San couldn't help but feel like she was being made a fool of for it. it was working, if that was his plan all along. She would never have agreed to hear Eboshi's proposal if it hadn't come from him, he must have known that. He must have known, and that was why he came back.

 _'Not for me, not for me'_ , she told herself again and again.

They reached the semi-level top of a hill, and when she reached the top, she stopped in her tracks for a moment, then she turned suddenly to glare at Ashitaka when he stood near her. She looked as though she were ready to strike him.

"I agreed to hear you about this, but let me make one thing clear first."

He seemed unsurprised by this reaction, and yet he stood very still, ready to receive a blow to the face if that was her intent. He must have known how dangerous her wrath could be, he bore proof of it just beneath his eye. And yet, he made no effort to defend himself from her.

"The last thing I would ever do, is a favor for that _damned_ woman" she said, in a voice that was low, but thick with aggression. "After all she took from me… everything she did… the only kindness I will do her, is not to hunt her down and kill her."

Ashitaka remained silent, San took a step back, and sighed as she looked away from him.

"Regardless," she went on, "The last thing I want is for her to go back to taking by force. If coming to some sort of agreement can prevent her from taking everything I have left, then so be it."

Ashitaka knew that Iron town was in no condition to fight her. However, he also knew that Eboshi wasn't anything if not determined to get whatever she wanted. And when it came to the safety of her people, there was no telling what she would do. He couldn't say with authority whether or not Eboshi would do damage to the forest ever again.

"If it's worth anything to you," Ashitaka started, making some attempt to ease her. "She only asks because her people are in a difficult situation."

"If you want me to feel sorry for them after all they did, so help me-"

"I only mean that she's desperate, and in no condition to fight you, even if she wanted to."

San let out a heavy sigh, and ran a hand across her face. "Neither am I" she muttered, turning slightly away from him.

Ashitaka reached out to her, but then hesitated, and pulled his hand back. She would see a gesture like that as manipulative, when he meant for it to be comforting. Despite his intentions, they would only be poorly received.

"I'm sorry" he said. "I'm sorry that I was the one to ask."

His apology caught her by surprise. She shook her head, after blinking away her surprise. "No… you had to. You had to, because you care about them. I understand that." She said, trying to uphold an impassive expression again as her own words sank in. "I understand that, and I can't blame you for it."

"Even so," he said, "I don't care about them more than you."

And just like that, the mysterious feeling welled up inside her once more, but it was painful now, mixed with the sense of betrayal she still felt. She bit down on her tongue to drown it out. The feeling seemed to always swell within her at the most inopportune moments. She _really_ needed to figure out what the hell the mysterious feeling was all about, so that she could suffocate it once and for all.

She did her best to hide her internal struggle, and rather than responding to his statement, thought it best to get right to business. "So," she said evenly, "what does that damned woman want?"

* * *

((AN:well this sure took a little while. but on the bright side, im on spring break for the next two weeks, so i might have another little something something for you fellas soon. maybe. no promises. also, i made a shitty playlist on 8-tracks for these two, check it out here if you wanna /greenthehuntress/i-ll-always-be-near . Also also, feel free to leave me a review, if you want. i like hearing what ya think, and in a fandom as dead as this one, its just swell to know that im not the only straggler left.))


	5. Chapter 5

Ashitaka looked back at San, who was waiting expectantly for him to explain himself. He knew there wasn't a good way to tell her that the woman who took everything from her was asking for more. And the very fact that he had agreed to deliver such a message would likely ruin her image of him.

There wasn't a way to say this without making her angry. All he could do was tell her, and hope she didn't decide to give him a scar on his right cheek to match the other one.

"Eboshi wants permission for her people to hunt in the forest" he told her.

It was not immediate like her anger before, by the mere mention of Eboshi's name. This anger was slow to build. Her hands clenched and unclenched, and her chest rose as she took in a long sharp breath. She let it out noiselessly a moment later, as she fought to keep her mouth from spreading into a feral snarl.

Her anger was unmistakable, and yet so was her attempt to keep it under control. But why, he couldn't understand. She'd never made any attempt to keep her anger under control before. Perhaps she simply didn't want to direct it toward him. He appreciated that.

She turned her gaze away from him, and clutched her arm very tightly. After a moment more of wrestling her anger, she turned to face Ashitaka once again, and took in a deep breath. "She may have my permission" she agreed finally, speaking each word with strain.

The visible difficulty she had in speaking the words was the only reason he believed she really said it, but he was thankful she had.

"I have some conditions, however."

"Of course" he answered, still relieved.

"If the terms are broken, whoever comes near the forest will be regarded as a trespasser, and the wolf tribe will deal with them as we please."

"Understood," Ashitaka said. "What are your terms?"

"Firstly, Eboshi herself is not to set foot anywhere near the forest. This permission to hunt on our land only extends to her townspeople" she said, making it clear that she wouldn't sway on that particular point. "Secondly, her hunters are only allowed at the edge of the forest. And they are to hunt deer only, nothing else."

Ashitaka nodded, it only made sense to keep the villagers at a distance, even within the forest. Although he was glad she was willing to compromise, he knew the townsfolk had earned her mistrust. "Any other terms?"

"No firearms" she said quickly. "No bombs, or fire, or anything of that sort. They may only take one deer for every seven villagers they want to feed, and may only come here to hunt once every week."

"Alright" Ashitaka agreed. "Anything else?"

She thought for a moment before shaking her head. "That's all. When you go back to town, make sure she knows that these are non-negotiable. And if any of her hunters break these rules, the treaty is forfeit" she said, making it clear that this was the extent of any compromise she would make with Eboshi.

"I'll be sure to pass all of this on to her" he agreed. And with that agreement, their formal business was concluded.

* * *

San waited for him to turn and leave, now that their treaty was made. But he didn't. She assumed that he would be finished here, but he was still standing, waiting for…something. And she hesitated to turn her back on him

"Aren't you going to go back to town?" she asked, no trace of the dejection she felt made its way to her voice. She sounded just as indifferent as she intended to. She was proud of herself for that.

"If that's what you want" he answered with a quiet sigh. "Although, I was hoping I could stay a while longer."

"What for?" she asked, still trying for cold indifference, but her tone hinted at her hopeful confusion.

"For you" he answered simply, without hesitation. "What else?"

There it was again. That strange gut feeling. Would she ever grow accustomed to it, she wondered. The feeling was conflicting with her sagacity. It was unfair. She couldn't let him come to the forest only to act as Eboshi's emissary, and then offer to spend time with her as if it meant nothing that he'd done so.

She felt cheated to have anticipated his arrival, only for him to ask her to negotiate with her sworn enemy. And now that he was offering to spend time with her, just like she'd wanted, it seemed all the more unfair. She would almost rather that his visits be purely political, than for her to feel as though she were being manipulated into these favors.

She didn't believe that was truly his intention. It wouldn't be like him to lie, or hide his true objectives. He'd never lied before, even when he was working with the humans, he had made it clear. No, he wouldn't lie to her.

Even so, she couldn't deny that he was in a good position to do so if he chose. But despite the feeling that gnawed at her, saying that this was all just a trick, she did want to spend time with him, and she certainly didn't want him to stop visiting.

"Alright" she agreed, sounding somewhat defeated. "You can stay a while longer."

* * *

To say he couldn't understand her unhappiness would be incorrect. He knew very well why she was upset. He knew he shouldn't have expected to come into her domain, ask her to set aside years of hatred in favor of a treaty with her enemy, and still be pleased to be with him.

Her reaction didn't surprise him, but it did dishearten him. Regardless, it was clear she was unhappy, and he would do his best to mend his mistake. "If you would prefer, I will return to Iron Town" he offered.

"No" she answered quickly.

"No?"

She seemed irritated then. "No, I don't want you to leave" she grumbled, her gaze wandering from him as her features betrayed her embarrassment.

He was happy to hear it, but confused. As angry with him as she clearly was, why didn't she want him to leave? Thinking back to every other time she'd been cross with him, she never wasted any time retaliating. She was a very in-the-moment sort.

He wouldn't press her for an explanation when she was so obviously irritated with him. But if she wanted him to stay, then of course he would. He wanted to. But he made no mistake of thinking that her permission to stay was in any way the same as forgiveness. No, he'd have to _earn_ that.

"I really am sorry," he said. "I didn't want to come here to discuss war treaties."

She shook her head. "You had to though, because if it's important to their survival, of course it's important to you. Better for you to deliver the message than some other human."

"Regardless, I feel I should make it up to you."

She let a sigh of contemplation out through her nostrils before she answered. "How do you plan to do that?"

"I brought my bow with me today," he said, "I've left it, along with my arrows, on Yakul's saddle. If you'd like, I was hoping we could hunt again."

She allowed a smile to crease her lips. "I'd like that."

And he smiled back, grateful for the chance to be with her, even after asking what he had of her. He felt a twinge of his ever-present desire to hold her, resurfacing once again. If only he could, he would have liked very much to show his gratitude by kissing her. But he was under no false assumption that that would ever happen, and was content simply to walk by her side.

They weren't far from where they left Yakul a minute ago. It was a short walk to where the red elk stood, nibbling on the leaves of a low tree branch. Yakul raised his head when they came into view, and as Ashitaka stepped forward, the beast pressed his snout into his open palm. Ashitaka smiled, and gently pat the elk on the furry underside of his neck before moving to take the bow and quiver from the saddle.

When Ashitaka's hands weren't petting him anymore, Yakul let out a low grunt and stretched his neck out to San, who stood only a few steps away. She responded by gently scratching behind the creature's jaw. The elk made a noise that only someone who knew the language of beasts could've interpreted, and San smiled at the creature.

"Is he coming with us?" she asked as she pulled her hand away from Yakul.

"If you don't mind" Ashitaka said, slinging the quiver over his head and under his arm. "I'd be willing to leave him on his own again, but I must admit, I feel a bit guilty when I do."

"I don't mind" she said, "Besides, I didn't get a chance to catch up with him last time."

"You'll have plenty to talk about," Ashitaka agreed with a small smile. "And I know he'll be glad to be in your company."

Ashitaka gently took hold of Yakul's reins, and lead him on, while San walked beside him on the side opposite Ashitaka. He knew that it would've been a bit uneven for them both to walk on the same side, but still, he found himself wishing that she would walk closer to him, and he couldn't shake the feeling that she kept her distance intentionally.

It was quiet at first, but not the same kind of silence he felt when he walked with her the week before. This time, it felt… deliberate. Perhaps there was nothing to say, but perhaps she wished to keep her thoughts to herself. He almost wanted to say something to her, but knew it would be unkind to destroy the wall of silence she had built.

Yakul grunted softly in San's direction, beginning what Ashitaka could only assume was a conversation. San only responded to the elk by humming quietly back in a way that the animal would understand, but he couldn't.

He couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about, but felt it would be rude to interrupt them to ask. The last time San and Yakul had a conversation like this, they had been talking about him. He wondered if that's what they were talking about now. He looked over at San's face as she quietly spoke to the elk. She wore a neutral expression, but when she saw Ashitaka looking at her, she quickly looked away.

Their exchange went on only for a few more minutes, and became increasingly quiet as it went on. Soon it was all quiet again, which was for the best, if they wanted to catch dinner soon. Once it was quiet, Ashitaka focused much more of his attention on the surrounding trees and foliage.

It seemed that the forest was growing back much better here. He supposed, closer to the heart of it, of course the forest would grow better. While the trees here were but an echo of their past glory, they were still impressive. It reminded him of the forest back home.

San suddenly stopped in her tracks, and angled her head toward a sound. She brushed the back of her hand against Yakul so he would remain still. Ashitaka hadn't heard whatever San had, but saw her reaction, and knocked an arrow, readying his bow. His eyes searched the distant foliage for signs of movement.

In the thick of the trees, roughly twenty yards away, he saw a serow with its head to the ground, nibbling a patch of tall grass. He couldn't see it well through the branches and bushes that hid him, but he could see its horns were long, placing it at roughly ten years old.

It seemed distracted. It wasn't rotating its ears as it ate, or lifting up its head in between bites, like most grazing animals would do. Even as Ashitaka pulled back the arrow, making the bowstring strain audibly as it became taut, the serow hardly flinched. Perhaps it had hearing trouble.

He glanced over at San. She remained unmoving, aside from her thumb, that kept running over her clenched forefinger. Her focus on the animal was so intent, she didn't look at him when he stared. She must have been very hungry. He was reminded of her admission last week, when she told him she hadn't been eating. Ashitaka turned back to focus on the serow in the distance with a new resolve.

He inhaled slowly, and when he breathed out, let the arrow fly. In less than a second, it met its target, and the serow fell to the ground without as much as a grunt.

As soon as it fell, San darted over to it. She had been suppressing the urge to chase it since she first spotted it. Ashitaka walked to the site of the kill without urgency, leaving Yakul on his own for a bit. When he made it to the carcass, he found San examining the kill wound.

"Right through the heart" she observed, running her hand over the small bloody hole just at the space where the serow's front leg connected to its barreled chest. "You're a good shot."

Ashitaka picked up the bloody arrow from off of the ground a little ways away, and wiped it off on the grass. "Thank you", he said. "I was worried I was out of practice."

San pulled out her knife and knelt down at the side of the carcass to skin it. "Has it really been so long since you last hunted with that bow?"

"Admittedly it has been a few weeks," he said, "I haven't needed to, at least not while I've been living in Iron Town. They've been feeding everyone mostly rice."

"well," she began, as she separated the serow's skin from its meat. "I suppose it's a good thing that they'll be getting game to hunt" she said quietly, not looking away from her work.

It almost seemed like she was speaking to herself, and not him, so he did not respond. Ashitaka got up shortly to collect twigs and fallen branches for a fire. As he stood up to do so, he caught San glance at him with some concern for a moment. He quietly muttered 'firewood', as an explanation, and she nodded, lowering her head back to the dead animal.

San finished skinning the serow shortly after he got the fire going, and they ate. Ashitaka took his time cooking the meat all the way through, by the time San had already cut out her third pound of meat, jabbing it with her knife, and lifting it up to her teeth.

Yakul had been a little ways away from the fire, grazing on the patch of grass that the serow had been. He neared the two of them, making no sort of greeting as he did, and sat quietly beside his master. San looked over at Yakul as he sat, and it seemed that she remembered something. She swallowed her mouthful of raw meat.

"Yakul told me that Emishi hunt all kinds of animals" she said, her tone impassive as she ate.

"We do" he answered, removing a cut of meat from his small fire, and letting it cool. "Is that what you were talking about earlier?"

San nodded, and wiped blood from her mouth before speaking again. "He told me you've hunted everything from foxes and deer to eagles and bears."

"I've never hunted a bear on my own" he amended, pulling the cut of meat apart to be sure it cooked all the way through. "It takes quite a few good hunters to bring one down."

She nodded in understanding. "He also told me the Emishi hunt wolves."

Ashitaka's head snapped up to gauge her expression. She looked as composed as ever. Unaffected. But he wasn't sure he believed she really was. When he opened his mouth to speak, he was careful.

"Sometimes" he said.

She nodded.

"Are you angry?"

She shook her head. "I just wanted to know if it was true. I was surprised. It seems odd that humans would hunt other predators for food."

"You aren't upset by that?" he asked, unsure. The Emishi weren't the only tribe in Japan that were known for hunting wolves, but it was still a pretty important part of his culture. Even if he hadn't personally hunted wolves before, he knew he couldn't separate himself from the tradition of it.

"I don't think so" she said. "I couldn't have ever known those wolves. Besides, I've hunted wolves before too."

"Have you?" he asked, bewildered.

"Yes. It was a good few years ago. A dispersal encroaching on our hunting territory. It happens sometimes" she said. "Wolves don't all get along with each other."

"I'm sorry" he said.

"It isn't a big deal to me" she said dismissively. "Besides, you know that I've hunted humans. I suppose, in a strange way, it's only fair that you've hunted wolves."

"Even if it is fair," Ashitaka said, "it isn't right." He was still watching her closely, for any sign to confirm his suspicion that she wasn't as composed as she pretended to be. She sure seemed genuinely alright, but he had to be sure, lest he do more damage. "I don't want you to feel… threatened."

"You, a threat to me?" she chuckled. She shook her head, taking on a more serious expression. "We're long past the point of killing each other, don't you think?" she smiled.

He sighed in relief, and returned the smile. "I hope we are," he agreed. "Because if either of us should be afraid of the other, it ought to be me."

"And don't you forget it" she mockingly threatened, grinning just a little.

They kept the fire going long after they'd both had their fill of food. Eventually, the flames were reduced to little more than embers. Ashitaka didn't seem to notice how late it had gotten until the coals died out.

He looked out at the sunlight, shining low, and dipping beneath the trees. San said nothing, but frowned as though she understood. He stood up, and by nudging the back of Yakul's neck, urged him to do the same.

"You'll be back next week, won't you?" she asked.

"Of course I will" he said, attaching his bow and quiver to Yakul's saddle again.

San stood up as he mounted his steed. "I'll… see you in a week" she said. The way she spoke, it was almost like she had been about to say, 'I'll miss you'.

"I'll be here" he reassured her, doing his best to leave her in a happy mood, while also fighting the ache he felt in his chest at the prospect of leaving.

She nodded, and turned her face away so she didn't have to watch him leave. A gesture he appreciated, because he didn't want to watch her as he left either. He rode out of the forest the way he came in, leaving behind only the cold ashes of the fire he'd built.

* * *

 **AN:** well this took a bit longer than i was hoping. whoops. but now with the introduction to some actual plot, things will probably move a bit faster. Also i realized a couple weeks ago that i hadn't gotten notifications for some of the reviews people sent me for this fic? no idea why. but i've read them all now, and i gotta say, i'm really glad that so many of you are enjoying this thing, and giving me helpful thoughts. im gonna try to have another chapter up by my birthday next month, but we'll just have to see if that'll actually happen.


	6. Chapter 6

It was late when he returned to Iron Town. There was candlelight gleaming inside the ruins of the forge, when usually at this time there would not be. Eboshi was waiting.

Ashitaka lead Yakul to the stable, taking the saddle and harness off, and hanging them on the wall beside the stall. Only after he fed and brushed Yakul did he walk up the dirt road to the old forge.

Her manservant Gonza was there too, of course. Waiting outside with arms crossed. When he saw Ashitaka approach, he grumbled something under his breath, and jerked his neck to the side, wordlessly inviting him in.

"My lady," Gonza greeted Eboshi, upon their entrance, "He's arrived."

Eboshi was seated, writing on a sheet of papyrus when they entered, but promptly set it down when she heard Gonza speak. "Thank you, that'll be all, Gonza" she said, dismissing him with the wave of her hand. When he was gone, she looked up at Ashitaka expectantly. "I imagine you have news for me?"

"San has agreed to allow villagers to hunt in the forest" he told her, in a tone that suggested staid indifference.

Eboshi allowed herself a sigh of relief. Despite her confidence in him, she hadn't been sure on the outcome of the negotiations. "That is good to hear. Thank you, Ashitaka. We're all going to sleep a bit easier, once we get a little extra food in our bellies."

"You owe your thanks to San, not me."

Eboshi's grateful smile did not fade as he mentioned San's name, and yet, he sensed Eboshi's mood shift. "And yet, it is you who stands before me, and not her" she shrugged. "Of course, you are free to refuse my gratitude if you don't want it."

"She does have a few conditions, of course" Ashitaka said, disregarding her comment.

"I'd never expect any less of the girl" Eboshi said, picking up the ink pen once more, preparing to take note. "What are her conditions, then?"

"She's agreed to let you hunt deer. Nothing else. In addition, there is a limit to the number of deer you may catch every day you hunt. At most the hunters are allowed to kill one deer for every seven people in the village. You are allowed to hunt only once every week. And you are only allowed at the inner edge of the forest."

"These are terms I can live with" Eboshi nodded as she wrote. "We'll have to make the most of what we get, of course. But we'll be fed."

"One more thing" he said, just before she put down the pen. "San specifically asked that you don't use any firearms."

Eboshi raised a brow at him, lifting her pen from the paper. "No guns? The weapons my people have been trained to use?" She chuckled. "Why ever not?"

"If it matters to you why, you'll have to ask her."

Eboshi sighed, and quickly scribbled on the paper before setting it aside. She looked back at Ashitaka with genuine gratitude. "Thank you, Ashitaka. I know what I asked you to do couldn't have been easy." She stood up and walked to the window, looking out at the lights that glowed from inside the homes her people were lucky enough to have. "I've warred against all manner of man and beast to keep my people alive. But do you know what kept me fighting, Ashitaka?"

"Your people," he answered automatically. He was well aware of how dedicated Eboshi was to them.

"Exactly. What kept me fighting was knowing what would happen to all these people if I let them down. The lepers, the brothel girls, even the simple oxherds and farmers, all relied on my victory, to survive. A town for them, where they wouldn't be forced onto the streets to beg, where they could live in relative comfort, where we would have iron to trade, and money, and food to keep everyone well fed, that was the best chance these people ever had for a real life. And I was determined not to let them down. And this mountain, that everyone else was too afraid to conquer, was my only chance for them."

She turned away from the window to look back at him again. "I know my methods have, in the past, not been up to your moral code. But I'm only trying to look after these people, and do the best that I can for them, same as you are."

"Not quite the same," Ashitaka replied. "I have to think about the safety of the forest, too."

"Yes, I know." Eboshi said. "You have both to think about, and you have to do your best not to favor one over the other. I understand that. Just please… understand that I am not working against you, Ashitaka."

* * *

The sun was low to the east when San woke. Her brothers were awake as well, but kept their noses to their paws, and their eyes closed. They usually slept much more than she did. It wouldn't be uncommon for them to lounge around on the fur blankets at the floor of the cave 'til the sun was at its peak.

They also usually slept in a pile on the floor, a habit maintained from when San was young, and had kept close to her brothers' fur when it was cold. Last night had been no different, despite the news she brought with her upon her return to the den. Of course, that didn't mean the night had passed peacefully.

San ran a finger over the scratch on her upper arm. It was nothing, really, especially compared to the scars she still bore from battles fought and hunting trips gone amuck in the past. Didn't even hurt now. The blood had clotted over in her sleep, and formed a thin pink scar.

She told them what decision she'd come to regarding Eboshi's request, and her brothers had become angry, like she knew they would. And, just like reckless pups, all three of them had fought.

San couldn't see the scar she'd left him through his fur, but the faint stain of dry blood behind his elbow remained as a sign of her own frustration, to rival the one he'd left her. Even Ichi bore evidence of their argument, in the little marks on his ankle and lower leg. In the end, all three of them had ended up with a little scar.

The siblings had always expressed their anger with each other in this way. When they were angry, they fought. That was how it had been for many years. And truly, San wouldn't have changed that if she could.

It was easy to fight. Easy to bite and scratch. Talking, however, had never come naturally to her. They could growl, and roar all they wanted, stretch their fighting muscles, and end it with only very minor pain, most of which was due to exertion. And the reward for their fights with each other was in the solace of the fight being done. A fight with words could take weeks to be resolved, while a fight with claws only lasted a few minutes.

San licked her forefinger, and bushed it over what remained of her scratch. Hardly any point in keeping it clean, the wound was already nearly closed.

Ni, eyes still shut, opened his mouth in a wide yawn. He lifted his head and shook out the remainder of his drowsiness from head to tail. When he opened his eyes, it was to look impassively back at his sister.

"So, you're really going along with this arrangement?" he asked, breaking the silence of the early morning. He didn't sound angry anymore, just upset. She couldn't blame him for that.

"Yes," she said. "And so will you. We aren't going to start another war over this."

Ichi lifted his head, proving himself just as wakeful as his brother. "We wouldn't start anything. But if _they_ should decide to, we will finish it." he huffed decisively.

"Yes" Ni growled in agreement. "The second they give us an excuse to kill them, we will."

San hesitated a moment before responding, picking her words carefully. "You had little say in the terms, the least I can do is let you enforce them, I suppose."

"You should have demanded the humans pay us tribute for their kills. The bones of every beast they slay" Ichi muttered. "Then, at least, they'd be paying for their presence here."

"I'd rather that they keep their distance from us as much as possible" San said. "If they're leaving food out for us, that's going to be more difficult."

Ni snorted a loud, indignant 'Hmmph'. "Says the one who lets a human feed her once every week. It's not as if he's keeping his distance, either."

San felt a shudder rattle down her back at his words. It was a realization she was more than willing to resist. "He doesn't 'feed' me, we hunt together. What's your point, anyway?" she snapped.

"That he's obviously an exception to the rule" Ni shrugged.

"Not without good reason. He earned my trust."

"He's still a human. And whether you trust him or not, he only stands to gain from whatever privileges you grant the other humans."

"You're saying you think he's manipulating me?" she asked with a guarded scowl. It was a suspicion she'd had herself, admittedly. But she'd already decided that it was unfair to suspect him of something so beneath them both. And now, for her brother to suggest such foul play, was insolent.

"I'm saying your fondness for Ashitaka impairs your decisions. If he was _only_ a human to you, you never would have negotiated."

She paused then, taking a moment to consider his words as she looked back with a glare of confusion. The implication was not lost on her. "Fondness?" she repeated incredulously.

Ni let a smooth growl rumble down his throat in annoyance. "Honestly, San, you couldn't possibly think that your attitude toward him comes off as anything else. You obviously care a lot about him. Don't pretend that your feelings haven't had any sort of effect on our situation."

"Of course I care about him" she said, but something about her own answer bothered her, so she elaborated. "I made the decision to save his life, after all. And, he's saved mine on more than one occasion. After all we went through together, of course I would care about him. But he didn't affect my choice, and neither could you."

"You sound so sure, but if Ashitaka asked you to leave the forest, and live with him in Iron town, would you do it?"

San narrowed her eyes at him, appalled by the accusation. "So, that's what this is about, is it? You're afraid that I'm going to leave the tribe? That's why you're acting so juvenile about all this?"

"Wouldn't you though?" Ichi cut in, more concerned than accusatory.

"Of course not!" she snapped, "There isn't a power in the world that would make me want to live with humans!"

"Not even your love for him?" Ichi accused.

San was silent for a moment, just long enough to hear her heartbeat in her own ears. It was loud. "What?" She wasn't sure what she felt now… anger? She chose to believe it was anger. "What are you saying?"

Ni growled, but still remained laying on the floor of the cave, making it clear he had no intention of fighting her again. "Oh, please, I won't pretend not to see it just so you can ignore it longer."

"There isn't anything _to_ see."

"Isn't there?

"I'm done talking about it" San growled as she stood and turned away, leaving the den altogether without another word. She stormed away fuming. She had to get away, as though physically removing herself from the conversation could undo the realization she'd suddenly come to.

The dew on the grass was turning her moccasins wet as she walked into the thick of the trees. She kept on walking, passing by the blackened stumps of ancient trees as she did. They were a painful, but effective reminder of all that the humans had done.

The younger trees that had thrived from the remains of the old ones were a poor substitute for the former glory of the forest. The whole ecosystem had to begin anew. And it could all be blamed on the humans for ever setting foot here.

Wouldn't it then be a crime, to her home, to the many gods who'd been slain, to her own self, to feel anything but hate for those responsible?

She had already betrayed her upbringing simply by caring about Ashitaka, and had only come to terms with that a while ago, after much deliberation. She could spend time with him, and miss him every day he was gone, so long as she simply called it 'caring'. That was all it was, after all. A nameless emotion of fierce affection she felt for him, and not love.

That very same nameless emotion was welling up inside her again as she thought of him. She sat down beside the trunk of a fallen giant, feeling angry, lonesome, and guilty.

How much could she care about Ashitaka before it was an insult to everything she'd fought to protect? How much did she already care about him?

She dug her fingers into the dirt. It was a poor substitute for skin. She wanted to scratch, bite, tear, until whatever strange feeling it was in her heart was gone.

In a subconscious attempt to sooth herself by rubbing her neck, her fingers glided over the string that held the crystal dagger there. She nearly flinched when she felt it, like she forgot it was there, though it had been for a long time now. She held it in the palm of her hand for a while before pulling the necklace over her head and holding it out in front of her eyes to see it glimmer in the dark of the early morning.

* * *

"Here, put this on, you look terrible" Toki said, tossing a clean yukata at Ashitaka. "Well, a less-handsome version of your usual self" she amended with a slight chuckle.

Ashitaka caught the yukata only out of politeness, and then folded it and gently set it on a low table. "No, thank you" he told her, for the third time that evening. "I'm not going to be a part of the celebrations."

After the townsfolk had been told the negotiations with the wolf girl had yielded results in their favor, they prepared a hunting party. A few people weren't convinced the hunters would return, but a few hours ago, a small party of hunters returned from the forest with a buck to cook in honor of the event. Nearly every person in town was looking forward to getting a taste of some good, fresh meat. Everyone besides the man who'd made it all possible.

It wasn't something he ought to celebrate. Hunting only a few deer at a time wouldn't do much to hurt the ecosystem, but the health of the forest wasn't what he was concerned about. San had given up a part of her home. The thing which she'd fought a war to protect, she'd cut out a part of it and given it to the humans.

He was glad that she had, of course. But she hadn't wanted to, and she certainly hadn't done it for the humans sake, so for him to celebrate with the townsfolk would be wrong. This was a good thing, for certain, but not a happy thing at all.

Toki put her hands on her hips and sighed dramatically at him. "Koroku, tell him he has to come. I don't think he's listening to me."

Her husband, Koroku, looked from Toki, back to him, with a helpless frown. "Toki, dear, if he doesn't want to go, then…"

"Ugh," she groaned facing Ashitaka once again, and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Listen, I know that crowds aren't your thing. You gotta keep up that 'mysterious foreigner' vibe, right? I get it. But you're the whole reason that this party is happening. If it weren't for whatever you said to the wolf girl-"

"San" he corrected.

"If it weren't for what you said to _San_ , we'd all be just a little bit more scared of the future right now. Now we don't have to worry about starving. There were some fools in this town who still thought you were working with the wolves, that you wouldn't fight for us. Ashitaka, we're grateful for what you did. So please, just do us all a favor and be a part of the celebration, alright?"

"Toki, let the man make his own decisions" Koroku pleaded.

"I'll go" Ashitaka agreed finally, and not simply to put an end to Toki's pestering. She had a point. Ashitaka knew very well that there were many villagers still under the assumption that he was conspiring in secret to have everyone killed. Not showing up to celebrate would only solidify the beliefs of those who already had little trust in him.

It was just as he expected it would be. It was cramped, what with the event being held inside of the longhouse, and nearly everyone in the village there. The smell of rice wine was palpable, and whatever instruments were being played were drowned out by the racket of laughter and conversations that had resorted to shouting in order to be heard.

Eboshi was there, guarded by her man servant whose main function that evening seemed to be bringing her sake. She nodded at Ashitaka when she saw him, but made no interaction beyond that.

There were so many people there. It was so loud. Several people, many he didn't know, came up to him and greeted him, saying things he couldn't understand over the clamor. One of them, slammed his hand against Ashitaka's shoulder, in some gesture of comradery, and spoke so loudly, Ashitaka could actually hear him above the noise.

"Ah, the man of the hour!" he bellowed, "Still sober?"

"Yes, and I'd rather keep it that way."

The man laughed loudly, hitting him on the back again. "Why don't you come over and regale us with the grand tale of how you got the wolf girl to give us her deer?" He gestured back to a group of men seated on a mat, all vigorously drinking and babbling. They waved to him when they caught sight of him. "We've been arguing all evening about how you managed to do it."

"I asked her for permission," he answered. "Nothing more."

The men would hear nothing of his honest explanation, and went on trading explanations of their own. "He must've fought her to get her to agree", one man said. While another argued, "No no, he must have traded her something. Some favor, perhaps." They all laughed as they discussed what possible favor it could have been. A sexual one, they decided, concluding that "She had to get it from someone."

It was easy to escape the conversation without their notice. Given how drunk they were, he doubted they would have noticed if he'd given in to the temptation to strike them.

They couldn't have understood what blatant disrespect it was to suggest San could ever be coerced, or that he would ever attempt to control her.

He stepped outside, and leaned his back against the outer wall of the building. He was tightly gripping his right hand without realizing it. A reflex, left over from a time when that sort of reaction could sooth his agitation.

He couldn't allow himself to become hostile to the townsfolk, no matter how foolish they became. The war was over, and Ashitaka had promised himself not to hate anymore.

He ran his fingers over the palm of his hand, and brought it up to his face. Nothing but a scar. Things would never be as bad as they were before. He breathed in and out, and let his hand fall to his side.

These troubled thoughts were all nothing but leftovers of a much worse time. Things were better now. He was… better off…

The memory of what San's brothers had said to him rose up from the back of his mind. ' _After the war, you were better off. Your curse was lifted, you had people to go back to, and a place to stay. But for us, the war was the end of everything. And you left her alone_ '.

In the dark of the late evening, the moon was shining bright. He saw the tops of the many living spaces that he and the villagers had built. Everyone had a roof now. Many rooves had to be shared, but no one was sleeping outside under the cold sky anymore.

Well, that wasn't completely true. Inadvertently, his gaze was drawn up the mountain in the distance as he thought of her. He'd spent weeks working so the villagers could live more comfortably, and more happily. It was time he did the same for San.

* * *

 **AN:** Well, this was really really late, wasn't? sorry fellas. Finals, plus moving, plus personal stuff, yada yada, i'm sure you've all heard it before.


	7. Chapter 7

It was raining heavily in the morning. A sure sign that summer was coming to a close, and winter would take its place in a few months' time.

Her brothers had been gone when she woke up, likely off to capture some food. Rain hardly ever discouraged their hunting, so they would likely not return until their bellies were filled. They might even bring her back some trace of what they killed. After her argument with them a week ago, they were already back to babying her.

Oh yes, the argument. Her brothers had not found it so significant, perhaps because they had thought what they'd had for some time now, so it was easy for them to drop the issue once it was clear how unreceptive their sister was to it. But she hadn't had a moment of peace since.

For the past few days, she'd been mulling it over. Considering the nature of her feelings for Ashitaka. Despite how much she wished to banish those thoughts from her mind, they would not leave her in peace.

She breathed out a heavy sigh as she clutched her fur blanket closer. It was not so cold, but she wanted to feel the comfort of the hide on her shoulders.

Such contemplations were not entirely new to her. She'd taken time on a few occasions before to consider the nature of her feelings for him. Once when she brought him to the Shishigami's lake, again, when Ni brought her the crystal dagger from him, the brief moment after she cut his heart with it in a fit of rage, and finally, the moment she'd left his side to return to what was left of the wild. At least four times she'd done this before. And now, these past few days, more than ever, she found her mind dwelling on it.

The rain was calming now, reduced to a little more than a drizzle. A quick glance up to the sky told San that it was only a brief calm. The clouds were still thick, and moving slowly. This short respite would not last long enough for the ground to dry.

Better to stay in the den, than to venture out only to be stuck in it when the rain picked up again. As much as San didn't mind the cold, or the rain, the last thing she wanted was to make her body weak from it.

Sickness, although common to her in childhood, came seldom to her in present years, but they tended to render her bedridden. A year ago, that would've meant a week unable to fight alongside her brothers. A week left to be cared for by Mother while armies of men burned the corners of her homeland.

The dangers of remaining bedbound during war no longer applied to her. But that didn't change how much she detested the illnesses that usually came with the cold season. Not to mention the monthly illnesses, which would be plaguing her again soon.

At least her brothers never seemed annoyed by bringing her food when she was sick. No matter their mood, they were always dependable.

She wondered if Ashitaka could be so dependable. Would he bring her food when she fell ill? As she had once done for him? And again, her thoughts had circled back to him, as she knew they would.

She had to recall the time, weeks ago when they shared a kill together. She thought of eating warm meat, while covered in blankets of furs.

A pleasant thought, but she knew that Ashitaka would come and go today, as he did every week. Of course, he might not come to the mountain at all. He was well within his rights to stay at Tataraba if he chose to. There might be an emergency to keep him away. He might not wish to travel in heavy rain. There could be any number of reasons more important than herself to occupy him. She stirred uncomfortably, suddenly feeling colder at the thought.

 _Look at yourself_ , she thought. _Shivering alone at the den, like a pup. How many autumns have you lived through with twice the dignity? Why do you suddenly need_ ** _him_** _?_

She held the fur around her shoulders more tightly in frustration with herself, and was suddenly aware of it again. The blanket felt… cold. Almost fake. Nothing at all like living fur. Not like Mother's fur, she thought, despite herself.

When she was aware of where her thoughts were leading, she felt colder.

* * *

Under the cover of the trees, rain was sparse, and coagulated in a few small puddles at the base of a few tree trunks. It was dry enough that Yakul could shake water out of his fur without having it all replaced in another minute.

As the elk vigorously dried his coat, the bag fastened to his side nearly came undone. But only nearly. After a moment, Ashitaka retied it more securely to the saddle. It was a pity there wasn't somewhere more secure to keep the bag's contents.

It was good then, that he and Yakul were almost to the wolf den. Strange, though, that they'd seen neither hide nor hair of the brothers, or San. Perhaps they were somewhere else, on the opposite end of the mountain. After all, Ashitaka really had no way of anticipating where San would be when he rode into the forest.

She might even be avoiding him. After all, the last time they'd spent the day together, he'd asked her to act with sympathy toward her greatest enemy. And it certainly hadn't been a pleasant, or even a fair request. It would only make sense for her to be angry, or at the very least, mistrustful now.

As Yakul trudged up the hill to the den, his hooves carved holes into the mud. The ground was still wet. Ashitaka could only imagine how difficult it would be to keep footing on the way down. He made a mental note to go the long way around on his way back down, where the trail was not so steep.

He could see the den now, a huge wall of stone that overlooked the larger half of the mountain. He dismounted, leaving Yakul near the base of the rocky column that supported the den. Here, the elk didn't need to worry about beasts tracking him down, because the scent of the wolf gods served as a powerful deterrent to any other wild beasts. Every creature recognized the divinity of this clan's territory.

Ashitaka removed the small satchel at the side of Yakul's saddle, and held it in his fist. A voice called down to him from up in the cave above. "I wasn't sure you'd come today." San was standing at the entrance, peering down at him with an expression he couldn't quite read from his distance. She had wrapped her shoulders in a pelt of fur, perhaps because of the cold. How would she react if he told her how pretty she looked, he wondered.

"I hope you aren't disappointed" he replied.

"No," she answered quickly, shaking her head. "No, I'm glad."

He smiled, relieved, and finally looked away from her only when he lowered his head as he went up the incline to the cave. "Where are your brothers?" he asked.

"Hunting" she answered with a shrug. Then after a pause, added, "and taking their time to avoid me, I expect."

He looked back at her curiously, but recognized quickly that it was no place for him to pry. As much as he want to know, as much as he wanted to help, he knew there were things she wasn't ready to share, or ever would. And it was more important to him that San know he wouldn't overstep the boundaries she set.

"Well, then I suppose it was lucky I picked these," he opened up the satchel he'd been clutching, and pulled out a big ripe red apple. "I don't imagine fruit is quite as to your taste as fresh meat, but-"

Before he finished, San had taken it out of his hand. She'd moved with all the speed of a wild animal, like she was afraid of changing her mind. Just before she bit into it, she looked back at Ashitaka, as if she were suddenly aware that she was in the presence of a human. She seemed almost… apologetic, for a moment.

"Thank you," she said softly. And that was the end of her manners. With a single, quick chomp, she'd carved out a good juicy chunk of the fruit with her teeth, in a manner so utterly feral, Ashitaka found it endearing.

She wiped loose drops from her lips with the back of her hand, and headed deeper into the cave, pulling her pelt tighter around her shoulders. "You're right, though. I am not as fond of eating plants as I am of eating meat" she said, still chewing.

"I'll remember that the next time I visit. But, I am glad they aren't completely unpalatable to you." he said, following her into the cave, where it was much warmer.

"I've always had a better tolerance for the things than my brothers. It's my only trait that helps me in the cold season, when prey are scarce. I've been getting more and more accustomed to it lately…" her voice trailed off as she pulled her thoughts back from their wandering.

The rain picked up shortly after san had accepted his gesture. She sat cross-legged on the floor of the cave, pulling her fur blanket further up her arms, and gazing outside. Ashitaka sat beside her, though she scarcely lifted her head when he did so.

"I still don't understand why you keep coming back here" she mused aloud, avoiding his gaze still. "Especially in this weather."

"A warm house is no substitute for your company" he smiled.

San found some humor in his honesty, it seemed, and rolled her eyes as she pushed his shoulder with her fist, in a gesture that was oddly, but reassuringly playful. "Be serious. We both know there's nothing in the forest for you. Everyone you care about is living in what is left of Tataraba."

"Well, that isn't really true. You've made it very clear you're opposed to living there."

San scoffed, and took another bite of the apple, seemingly unfazed. She didn't bring it up again. The rain outside was falling harder now. It was the sort of drench that would leave one soaked for hours after. Ashitaka had been lucky only to get light drizzle on his outer clothes, during the brief spell of sparse rain. But it had been raining this heavily since dawn, he remembered. And San, was totally dry.

"Have you been sitting in here all morning?" Ashitaka asked.

San nodded, it was no more than a trivial fact.

"That doesn't seem like you."

She lifted a brow indignantly at that accusation. "For not risking illness on the cusp of winter?"

"For cooping yourself up. It just doesn't seem very entertaining in here, if you were all alone."

San scoffed. "I'm not 'cooped up', im comfortable. Besides, now that you've given me this generous offering, I don't need to leave." She took another bite, as though it proved a point.

"How ever do you survive without me?" His tone was clearly only teasing, but she glowered at him, all the same. She opened her mouth to retort, but closed, it, and only spoke after taking a few more moments to wrap her mind around his jest.

"Easily!" she scoffed. "I've been living on this mountain my whole life. Killing, eating, and being cold in the winter. I'd like to see you last so long, never needing anyone else."

"I couldn't," he admitted, "I'd definitely need you to live."

She grinned, pleased with that answer, although he doubted that she understood just how true it was. But suddenly, her smile faded, as her nostrils flared. She stood up and took two big steps away from him before Ashitaka even realized that there were two giant wolves standing at the cave entrance.

Ni dropped the severed leg of a goat down on the floor of the cave. There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment before he spoke. "I see you've already eaten."

The apple was still in San's hand, with several big chunks missing. Her wrist flexed, as though she were considering letting it fall. Ichi shook the rain out of his coat of fur and pushed past his brother, into the cave. He pushed up against his sister's side, in greeting. Ashitaka sensed that the initial tension had been eased, but San took another step away from him, all the same.

"If we knew we were going to have company, we would've brought back more." Ni chuckled.

"Shall I await an invitation next time?" Ashitaka asked, in as polite a tone as could be. Ni huffed a small humorless laugh, but it was Ichi who spoke.

"If San welcomes you, so will we. Besides, it suits us all best that you visit. Gives us a chance to be sure you get along."

San stood up suddenly, sparked by her brother's words. Without looking at any of them, she suddenly reached down to grab Ashitaka by the hand, lifted him up, and pulled him along as she wordlessly left her brothers, and stormed into the rain.

Perplexed, but averse to demand an explanation at the moment, Ashitaka went with her. She didn't need to kept ahold of his hand, he was following her quite willingly, but she held him until they were out of sight and sound of her brothers. Then, she spun around, her accusatory expression set on him.

"I don't know what to do with you."

He blinked, still stunned. "'Do with me'?" he repeated.

"You confuse me" she said. "You aren't my enemy, you aren't my family. You're human, but I trust you. You spared the woman who destroyed my home, and yet I keep welcoming you back."

He drew back, briefly. Hurt, and unsure. "San, if you don't trust me-"

"That's not the problem. I do trust you, more than myself, sometimes. But… Ashitaka… this is ridiculous. You're a human, and I'm… still a wolf."

"You don't like our differences?"

She shook her head, just barely, looking down. It was like she was ashamed, an expression that she rarely wore. "It's… not that. I just… feel like don't know you well enough. I don't know humans, I don't know your tribe… and it's scary to me that despite how little I understand, I still feel… like I need you."

He let out a gentle sigh of ease, despite her clear uncertainty. He'd known since he saw her that whatever became of the two of them, they'd surely face some difficulty together. The fact that she was aware of their differences was an important observation. Yes, they were different, it was no doubt it would complicate their relationship. No, this was nothing for him to worry about, regardless of the conflict San still apparently felt about their situation.

That she acknowledged the complexity of their relationship meant that she could be willing to help him improve it. As long as she didn't shy away from what they were to each other, the bond could be strengthened. Or, it might break, and she would put the responsibility of ruling the forest over her ties to the humans, and him.

She was unpredictable, being the wild creature she was. And though he feared the repercussions of being direct with her, he wouldn't do her the dishonor of hiding his intentions, or his thoughts. If she were to eventually share all the aspects of his life that he wished she would, he absolutely couldn't disrespect her.

When he spoke, he was careful, patient, and open to her answer. "Are you're worried about falling in love with me?"

She was still looking at him, even after he asked. Giving nothing away by looking away, as though she held a terrible secret she didn't want to admit to herself she had. But her composure broke quickly, and she had to look away when she answered. "I'm worried that a part of myself is just trying to replace everything I lost in the war, with you"

That was a realistic concern. He knew how difficult it must be for her to balance her priorities, between him, the forest, and her family. She was a princess, after all. He was all too familiar with politics, and duty. He knew her struggle.

"Would you have me leave?"

"I don't want you to."

"But you don't want me to stay here, either."

She didn't answer that time, torn between her own thoughts, he imagined. But the apologetic look in her eyes told him what he'd already anticipated.

"I understand. You'll need time to come to your own decision." She almost looked like she was going to argue, but she nodded, more in gratitude than agreement. She lifted her hand, just a little, before putting it back to rest at her side, hesitating, like she had considered reaching out to hold his hand again. But she didn't.

She led him back to Yakul, who'd found shelter from the rain under the remains of some fallen trees nearby the den. The whole way, she'd stayed just out of arms reach of him, and she remained at that distance when he mounted the elk.

"I'm sorry," She said, suddenly, as he grabbed the reigns. "I've wasted your whole afternoon by being unsure of myself."

He reassured her with a smile. "I've done you a disservice if you think any time I spend with you is wasted."

She was bashful when she lowered her gaze. He wouldn't have thought that shyness suited her so well when first they met. It was quite pretty. Then again, everything about her was.

"I'll send one of my brothers for you when… When I've had enough time to think" She told him.

"I'll be waiting."

She would have said something, but she stopped herself just before she did, and simply nodded back at him.

He left then, and headed the long way down the mountain, and back to Tataraba. San walked back through the rain to the cave, drenched in rain. She wrung the water out of her hair when she was under the roof of the cave. Beside her brothers, she wordlessly picked up the rest of her half eaten apple, and finished it.

* * *

 **AN:** hey look whose back? its me. sorry i was gone for so long, but the latter half of 2016 was honestly some of the worst few months of my life. lmao. I'm still determined to finish this thing, if any of you are still with me. i saw the 20th anniversary theatrical release yesterday, and it really made me want to work on this more, so here's just a small something that hopefully, will lead to a good ten or twelve more chapters.


	8. Chapter 8

The hard work of the townsfolk had provided everyone a place to sleep and eat. Many still slept in the longhouses, wrapped up in bedrolls beside each other at night for warmth. There weren't enough resources or hours in the day to build individual houses for every villager. But now that everyone at least had a roof to sleep under, work was being done to house couples privately.

And it was for that reason that Ashitaka found himself spending supper with Toki and Koroku. Normally, out of habit more than want, Ashitaka would eat his meals in the longhouse with the other working men. But when it was a choice between the loud, and often putrid communal home, and the small, humbly constructed home of the only townspeople he could really call his friends, Ashitaka hadn't hesitated when invited over.

Koroku was still preparing the rice when Toki sat down beside Ashitaka on the mat with a small tray of tea. She sat cross-legged in front of him, and reached out to offer him a cup. "It been a rough couple of weeks, hasn't it?"

"Things are improving. Slowly, but surely."

"How is the wolf-… San, how is she doing?" she asked, forgetting her manners for a moment.

"She's been very unhappy."

"Even with you around? I find that hard to believe." Toki chuckled, nudging his shoulder in an almost familial way. "Surely even she can appreciate that you travel miles up the mountain just to see her."

"I'm hardly the only factor in her life," he said, doing his best to maintain pleasant countenance, as their guest despite the seriousness he felt. "She's recovering from the war just like we all are. I expect it will take a very long time for her to mend."

Koroku returned to them, with three bowls of rice, and distributed them before sitting beside his wife. "The princess never struck me as the emotional type. But, I suppose she is still a woman." He grinned, looking from Ashitaka to his wife, and back to see how his jest had been received. A silent moment passed, and his comment went addressed only by Toki shaking her head.

"Well, the both of you are in good health at least. And I'm sure in time that your… er… relationship will improve."

Ashitaka nodded, more so in acknowledgement than agreement. Like all the others, Toki was still uncomfortable accepting Ashitaka's own ties to the one they called the spirit princess. In their eyes he was a war hero, and she, the monster working to destroy them. Given their past, Ashitaka was glad they at least wouldn't openly insult her in front of him.

In defense of the townsfolk, they were _trying_ to accept it, if only in respect to him. Those who called her a monster did so only when they thought he couldn't hear, and when they knew he could hear them they often spoke of their gratitude for all their meat and furs.

Would that he could defend her against such disrespect. As a younger and more foolish man, perhaps he would have fought them for such offense. But it was much more diplomatic just to be around and remind everyone to hold their tongues about the mononoke princess. Nobody was in need of any more conflict, least of all on account of his pride.

Noticing his contemplative silence, no doubt, Koroku spoke up again, now a bit more seriously. "In my experience, it is good to let women be alone to sort these things out. You're doing to right thing to be keeping your distance."

"I wouldn't if it were my choice. She asked me to stay away" he explained to them both.

They looked surprised at that. This was, after all, something he hadn't shared with anyone in town. Despite Eboshi's persistent involvement, he considered his meetings with San a personal matter. "She doesn't want you on the mountain?" Toki asked, incredulous. "Well, that's a shame. I'm sure your company is a good influence on her."

"That's just the problem. I influence her. She and her brothers are the only gods left in the forest, and she needs a clear head to do what's right for her people, just the same as Eboshi does for you."

"Well, she'll come around sooner or later" She shrugged, as though his words had gone right over her. "Spirit though she may be, I've yet to meet a soul who can resist your charm." Toki smirked.

Ashitaka smirked and laughed lightly. It was subdued, but it still managed to surprise the Toki and Koroku. "I'm afraid then that she's turned the tables on me."

Before either of the couple had a chance to respond, there was a knock on the door. It was opened on the other side before Toki could rise to her feet to answer it. Standing in the doorway was one of Eboshi's gunwomen, one Ashitaka hadn't personally met before.

"My lord, Eboshi has requested your presence." The woman said, speaking to him almost nervously, as though she were in the presence of some high ranking officer, of which he was certainly not.

He didn't bother to ask whether this was about San. He knew it would be. And it hardly mattered anyway. He'd been hoping very much not to be summoned to her again, but he knew how vain that hope had been. Ashitaka rose from his place on the floor mat, and looked back at Toki and Koroku apologetically. "My apologies, I don't expect to return in time to finish the meal you made for me."

Once out the door, the gunwoman accompanied him for a short distance before he assured her he knew the way to the longhouse. She seemed embarrassed then, and quickly left him after offering a hasty nod of understanding.

It wasn't far. Tataraba was much smaller than it had once been, and consequently much easier to navigate. The longhouse, where official business and most Eboshi's dealings were concocted, was the largest building in town, yet fairly humble in scale.

What houses there were only measured large enough to fit five or six villagers at most across their floors at night. There was a shed for storing food at the edge of some small farmland, and hut at the lakeside. No towering wooden barriers, or guard towers, as there had been before. Just the essentials. It was efficient, quaint, and for many, it was uncomfortable.

One woman armed with a rifle stood outside the longhouse, and gave Ashitaka no more than a passing nod as he approached and entered the building. His arrival was hardly uncommon enough to warrant any more than that.

Eboshi was seated when he entered the room. She looked tired. It was very unlike her. For such a powerful woman to be without her strength was unsettling. She looked up at him when he entered. "Ashitaka" she greeted, "I hope I didn't take you away from anything important."

"Only company."

"I'm afraid I need another favor from you" Eboshi said almost quietly. She repositioned herself to face him, laying her hand on her lap. "I need another message relayed to the wolf girl." The way she spoke suggested that she was expecting his refusal.

"Unfortunately, I can't do that. San has made it clear to me that she doesn't want me returning to the mountain without her invitation."

"Is that so?" Eboshi mused, looking more perplexed than upset. "I wont pry into what is clearly personal between you and her, but I must express my… disappointment."

"Why not send an envoy of your own? Surely your loyal men and gunwomen would brave the mountain to speak with her on your behalf."

Eboshi shook her head and ran her hand across her jaw as she sighed. "The only people I have here brave enough to go back to the mountain, I fear are not the sort she would take kindly to seeing. And I'm not about to send people to their deaths."

"You must have very little faith in San to believe she would break the peace on nothing more than a grudge." Ashitaka said, making little effort to hide his contempt.

Eboshi did not defend the accusation, though she clearly begrudged it. She rose to her feet and lifted up a square of parchment from her desk. "We've just traded the last of our iron. Now at least, we'll eat during the winter. But there is still one problem.

"The scraps and pieces of wood and stone from old Irontown aren't enough to support what we need to make repairs. It'll be another four seasons before we have enough surplus to export and trade anymore." She paused. "Of all my people, so few of them have been left alive after the war. But there are couples here, people who made the journey to Tataraba in the first place to start families, have better futures.

"The truth is we don't have what we need to grow, and now no one can leave, because we've all been made very poor. We need to grow, and to grow we need lumber. The only trees we can harvest are from the mountain. I need her permission to harvest wood. I'm even prepared to sweeten the deal for her; share our food stock with her come winter, make her nicer clothes… whatever she wants, within reason. It's likely the most generous deal I'll make for her."

"If it is so important to the town that you make such an arrangement, why not visit her yourself?"

Eboshi laughed, as he knew she would. Her humor was no doubt found in the impossibility of a good outcome in such a prospect, but as the more realistic consequence was conjured in her mind, that humor quickly faded. "I'm sorry she's turned you away, Ashitaka. And I trust that you will tell her about my offer when she finally relents."

He didn't answer her. There was no need. What kept him from openly agreeing was his respect for the wolf girl. And that was something Eboshi had long ago given up beating. Clearly, the discussion was over.

He began to take his leave just when Eboshi spoke to him again. "Ashitaka," she implored as he turned away. "I don't expect you to take my side over hers. Whatever magic she's pulled over you is well beyond my understanding, but I'm no fool that I can't at least see it at work. At least, please think of my people."

* * *

The clay was buried under about a foot of mud. The last time she'd made use of it, it had been piled up in clumps on the side of the riverbed. It was harder to reach now, on account of the hill spilling over onto the shore, building up the earth. But San remembered where the clay had been years ago, before humans cut through the forest and forced the ground itself out of shape.

Some dirt beneath her nails was a fair price to pay for a few handfuls of good and damp clay. Ni had offered to dig the clay out for her, but her brother's big heavy paws were far too indelicate to harvest the deposit. So, as she toiled away gathering clay from under the edge of the riverbed, her brothers contented themselves to sit on the rocky shore.

She gathered two big handfuls of clay, and set them on a flat-topped boulder. Her practiced hands quickly began to shape the clump of mud into something of a half-sphere.

"What are you going to do with that? Another mask?" Ichi asked, keeping his face down on his paws.

San nodded, still focused on her work. Ni chuckled, rolling onto his side. "Do you have such little confidence in the treaty that you feel the need still to ward the humans?"

"It doesn't have anything to do with humans. I would just feel more comfortable with one."

Ni rested his head down onto the warm sand again and snorted. Ichi stretched out and rolled onto his side, pressing the pads of his paws to his brother's shoulder as he looked back over to San. "You ought to give it teeth this time. Much more intimidating."

In good humor, San grinned and pointed to the marks on her cheeks. "I already have teeth, and it only makes sense for them to be under the mask."

"What about the hood? You won't find any more dispersals to skin, so where will you get the fur?"

In the past, she'd crafted her fur clothes from the skins of lone wolves who came to the god's mountain to hunt. Dispersals; wolves who in adolescence left their family to make their own, were often young and cocky, and worst of all, they were without fear of their god.

Ungodly beasts often did not recognize the divinity of the tribes of the mountain. San herself had seen many wild boars wander onto the mountain, speechless, and small, who paid no respect to Nago. Dispersal wolves were much the same. They interfered with territory, and they tended to get themselves in the way of the battles with Irontown.

San had a few pelts to show for her victories against such interlopers, but, there were fewer and fewer dispersals these days. And most the pelts she'd worn during the war had been lost to battle, where they now laid under corpses and filth, much like her previous mask.

"I have enough scraps for a fur hood." She said, "Hopefully, this one will last longer than the previous two." For hours, she worked. It was not tiresome, or boring. It was almost relaxing, actually. She molded and shaped the clay by the riverside while her brothers napped in the sun. It was the first warm day in weeks, and perhaps the last for many more. It was nice.

A memory, unbidden, came to her mind as she worked. A smaller, younger version of herself, running across the smooth river rocks, with her brothers close behind. Tackled into the water, she remembered how cold her whole body had suddenly been. But it was not painful. Splashing and kicking and pushing, until Ichi and Ni both were sopping wet from tail to nose.

They retreated to the shore, and shook off their wet fur, while San stayed comfortably afloat in the water. She cupped the water in her hand, and threw it at her brothers, who barked out in playful irritation. Her mother called her over, and when she emerged from the river, her little buckskin shirt was soaked. She tried to shake the water out the way her brothers had, but her mother instructed her to wring the leather. She remembered feeling ashamed of that. Embarrassed that she couldn't even dry herself normally.

She came back to reality when she remembered the look on her mother's face. Perhaps it had been a silent apology for the true shame San couldn't have comprehended at the time. She rubbed the edge of her eye, and got just a bit of mud there.

In time, she'd shaped it just so. Every ridge was smooth, and even. She stood up and looked down on her craft from a new perspective, in case a change in view would change her approval of it. She looked down at a round, clay face that glared back up at her with wide open eyes, the way a wolf ought to. She'd crafted a mouth hole, more so to keep it breathable than for looks. A single strip of clay curved down the brow of the eye, up over the mouth, and then again above the other eye, forming the ridge that expressed the bunched up muscles of the snout in a snarl. Its clay lips were pulled back in a grimace that stretched just a bit wider than the span of her own.

She smiled in approval. _Very_ scary. If she'd known the first time she played in the mud that she'd get so good at shaping it, she would've come to the river much more as a child. She let it harden a bit in the sun as she gathered stones and built a kiln around it.

It was easy enough to start fire with tinder from the beach. It was already dry, and there was plenty of it. It took only three strikes of flint before there was a steady flame in her makeshift oven, and after that, she fed it a few more twigs before finally standing up and wiping the sweat from her brow.

Ichi and Ni had reentered the water by this time. Ni waded by the shore with his ankles submerged, while Ichi was up to his neck in the river. Her work had left her fatigued, and hot in the sun. Her skin was burning, and damp with musky sweat at each inner joint.

San ran a hand through her hot hair, removed her headband and carefully unfastened her heavy earrings from each ear, setting them neatly on the sandy rocks. She reached behind her shoulders with both hands, pulling her white buckskin shirt off her chest, taking her armlets with it.

Her dark blue dress collected much of the sun's heat in its fabric. When she cast it off, she was immediately relieved of much of the uncomfortable heat. It was like she was doing away with armor, a very comfortable sensation.

If only her skin wasn't so thin and easily worn down in battle, perhaps she'd be able to go without her crude garments more often. But shielding her skin from cold and rubble was much more important than her physical comfort.

It had been Moro who first dressed her, insisting that she cover her skin before San ever learned that humans did the same thing. If she had known at that age that her actions mimicked those of the humans, she'd never have clothed herself. But, it was a habit now. And an important one, especially in the winter.

She hooked her fingers around her last article of clothing at her hips, a long strip of very soft fabric, wrapped many times over innermost thighs and the space in between them. She pulled it down to set it on the pile with the rest of her clothes. When she was fully nude, she was struck by how very different she truly was from her family. It was easier to ignore when she dressed herself in fur and bone ornaments, but with nothing to disguise her shape, she really looked nothing like a wolf.

She understood now of course that she had been born not of Moro, but of some gutless human woman. There was an indisputable part of San that was as much a wolf as her brothers, but the other part of her, the human part, was so unpleasant to look at. It was no wonder that even the humans found her ugly.

Well… most humans, she corrected herself, remembering Ashitaka, and how he'd looked up at her with his own sword held at his throat. So genuine, so tender. She flinched at the memory. She'd been so close to killing him. It distressed her now to think of it.

She stepped into the river, trying to rid her thoughts of him with the shock of cold water to her skin. She reached for her pile of discarded clothes and dragged the dress and buckskin into the water with her. It'd been a few days since she last properly cleaned out the stains and dirt marks from them. She walked till she was neck deep in the water, and scratched at the fabric of her soaking clothes to get the imperfections out.

After a series of repeated soaking, wringing, and scratching, she was satisfied with her work and set the garments back on the rocky shore to dry in the sun. There were wrinkles and marks in her leathers that would never wash out, but that was fine.

Ichi and Ni were becoming more rowdy now. One of them had started splashing a minute ago, she hadn't seen which, and now they ran up and down the shore chasing each other. San only glanced at their horseplay to be sure they kept away from her as they did so.

When her clothes were clean, she set them to dry on the rocks at the shore, and waded back into the deeper half of the river. She sucked in a breath and sank just deep enough for her hair to be submerged, before she floated up again, and ran the palm of one hand over her scalp, and over her nose. The water didn't feel so cold now.

Another memory came to her then, again, unbidden. This one was more recent, and more painful. Coming to consciousness with her head held just above the water, and opening her eyes the moment that the Forest Spirit's head went toppling down.

She sank under the water again, this time without taking in a breath. Retreating to the quiet rumble of the running river, and the dark of its bed. As if she could return to that moment before she woke up cradled in Ashitaka's arms. As if she could return to the womb.

Inevitably, she resurfaced for air. It felt somehow anticlimactic. She wanted to bite herself when she realized she thinking of him again. Frustrated with herself, and her own inability to go without thinking of Ashitaka, she took a deep breath and lowered herself down to the bottom of the river.

The water went in her ears and up her nose, filling up every crevasse of her human form. It made her feel so heavy. All that water pressing down on her. She had hoped the water would clear her head, wash out all the dirt in her mind, but her head was racing now, and she couldn't wring or scratch out her thoughts.

How was it that after all she'd lost, it was Ashitaka that she missed most of all? That wasn't right. It wasn't fair. She let herself sink deeper until her feet touched the smooth mossy rocks at the very bottom of the lake. And it was there that she came to a realization. She missed her old forest. The Shishigami. Nago and Okoto. Her mother. But of everything she could have back at that moment, or at any moment, she knew it was Ashitaka she wanted with her.

She really did love him after all.

And it wasn't because he'd saved her life, and called her beautiful, or even that he'd been the first human to show her kindness. No… it couldn't have been any of those things, because now that she looked back on it, she realized that she'd starting loving him long before any of that. Maybe not at first sight, but… before he'd really done anything to deserve it, he'd been… important.

There was some kind of relief that accompanied this realization. Like the immense pressure of the riverbed was lessened on her. She felt just a little happy to have finally formed her feelings into more tangible thoughts. There was a certain brief excitement in having admitted this to herself.

But it lasted only for a very short time, not even a second, before this realization was followed by another that had been looming over her, and resisting this realization for a very long time now.

This would only make things harder. So, _so_ much harder. She kicked against the bottom of the lake, and pushed herself up.

"You could've held out for longer than that" Ni told her flatly once she regained her breath. "The old record is still two and a half minutes."

San was dazed for a moment before she answered. "Compared to your thirty seconds?" San chuckled weakly, trying to disguise any countenance of discomfort. "Criticize me once you've bested me."

Ni huffed in annoyance, but his manner was still playful, and his tail still gently waved from side to side. Ichi was splashing through the water as he tore up and down the beach, but stopped abruptly at his brother's side to goad him into play once more with a nip to his ear.

Her brothers were once again occupied with running and chasing each other back and forth, and scarcely noticed how uncharacteristically languid their sister swam to shallower water. She waded her way toward the shore her clothes were still damp, so she sat just knee deep in the river as she let her upper half dry in the sun.

* * *

Eboshi held a meeting with the town that night as dinner was distributed. It wasn't anything that she hadn't already told Ashitaka personally, so he had excused himself from the event to tend to Yakul in the stables.

He'd heard enough as he left; Eboshi explaining that they wouldn't be able to ask 'the wolf girl' for her trees, since Ashitaka's welcome there had been revoked. Some villagers were understandably upset, but kept their frustration to themselves. Others were a bit more outright with their anger, but dared not direct it at Ashitaka.

In the end, it'd caused only a moderate stir in the town that night, which Ashitaka very much hoped they'd overcome by the morning. He recalled this information to the elk, who he was not sure fully understood all he said. Yakul did however seem to appreciate the attention.

"At least I can be glad that I won't need to ask her to give up her home. Until she calls for me again, that is. If she does." His words faded into silent musing as he brushed the elk's red coat of fur. He imagined for a moment that he and San lived in more normal circumstances.

Perhaps she could have grown up to live on the mountain beside his village. His people might've had the chance to discover her, and treat her with kindness, so she and her tribe wouldn't grow to hate humans so. He might've introduced her to his family, and brought her down to the thicket to show her that big hollow tree.

He would've kissed her there, surely. And without the demons, or the curse, he could've even married her there. His people would treat the wolf tribe respectfully, and in turn, perhaps Moro would've approved of him.

He'd spend every night and day by her side. Their time together wouldn't be tainted by the arrangement of treaties.

Ashitaka's attention returned to reality when Yakul flinched. There was a fresh droplet on his fur, just below Ashitaka's eyes. He wiped his face and went to set aside the brush on the sill of the window of the stall, and made his way to bed.

* * *

Seven humans trudged up the mountain in the morning. The sun wasn't even up yet. The sky was heavy with thick clouds that breathed the faintest haze of mist that threatened to become snow. The moisture in the air made just the faintest sound as it fell, drowning out the sound of human footfall by just the littlest bit. Most among them were men, but two women did accompany them, wielding rifles. Three men pulled a big cart behind them as they went, nearly empty but for a pair of axes and a two-man sawblade. The Last two carried swords, and walked at the back of the party.

One man at the back of the line turned back, and watched for any sign of movement behind them. After several seconds, he hurried to catch up with the party, holding his weapon ever more tightly. None of them said a word to each other as they walked, but as they approached a line of trees that grew a great deal taller than the rest, the head of the group lifted the back of his hand, and the party came to a halt behind him.

He knelt down and observed the base of a tree, running his fingers on scrapings on the bark, and putting his face against it to smell. After a moment he was satisfied and put his hands on his sides as he stood up straight. "This is it. Have your wits about you. From this step onward, we'll be hunted."

"Here? How can you be sure?" one of the women asked, "It looks the same as the others."

"Only the claws of the wolves could make these marks on bark. That, and the base smells of dog piss. This is the edge of their territory."

That explanation seemed to satisfy them enough, and in another moment, they continued on wordlessly once more. They went on into the thicker of the trees, but now more slowly, and with more apprehensive glances out into the darkness as they went.

"What if she's watching… God… I bet she's going to have her wolves eat us." The man at the back of the line whispered to another.

"Don't bother whispering. They'll smell us long before they hear us." The man at the front answered, though it wasn't he who'd been addressed. "And she may be wild, but she isn't stupid."

"What'dya mean by that?"

"It isn't our village she values, its Ashitaka. She knows she can't risk losing his alliance, so she and her wolves wouldn't dare attack. And I intend to call her bluff."

"But… how can we really be sure? I mean, she's an animal after all. Who's to say she'll honor an alliance with Ashitaka anyway?"

"All that animals understand is killing, eating, and fucking." He answered crudely. "The forest is well stocked with game, so if Ashitaka has to be making the beast-with-two-backs with her." the man grinned, tapping his fingers on his forehead to indicate he'd put a lot of thought into such a conclusion.

They continued on into the forest, their alert on high. With their careful step, and smell masked with earthy grime, they were sure they wouldn't be found out.

An old raven perched high in the treetops above watched the party of humans intrude into the thick of the trees. Years of living in these war-torn woods had taught many of the scavenging birds and beasts to feed on the leftover flesh of humans that the wolves and wild hogs couldn't finish on their own.

The raven looked down upon the intruders, and saw a meal. It leapt from its branch and ascended, making circles in the sky high above the humans, and sounding a course, throaty alarm call across the mountain.

* * *

 **AN:**

Yeah, i know. hopefully the next chapter wont take so long, since i've already written half of it. but im sorry i was inactive for something like... seven months.

I'll try to keep the rest of this AN short, but while i've got ya here, lemme give you a link to that playlist, but this time, on playmoss, because 8tracks is so bad. /en/greenhuntress/playlist/always-near

also, i made a tumblr blog. check it out if youre very bored.


	9. Chapter 9

It had been cold that night, and so San had taken to sleep in a pile with her brothers atop her collection of pelts. In his sleep, Ichi stirred, kicking his legs in a motion that poorly imitated running. San was shaken awake by the motion, and growled faintly under her breath as she weakly reached to still him.

A moment later she heard a raven call echo over the trees. Her ears twitched before her tired head fully registered the meaning of the sound. She abruptly lifted up her head to listen more carefully.

There it was again. Without warning, San stumbled over her brother's back and to her feet, walking slowly to the edge of the den that looked over the cliff. It was Ni's turn to growl as he was rudely awoken, but San did not acknowledge him.

"San? What are you doing?" Ni asked, just as the dark bird emerged from the distant fog and crowed out a rough and familiar sound. In a moment, Ni was also on his feet, waking his brother with the movement.

The raven flew in a circle, high enough to be seen from their den atop the mountain, and low enough to be seen beneath the thick clouds. It repeated its cry over and over, and with each caw the wolves grew more uneasy.

It wasn't uncommon in any forest for the scavengers to call to the wolves when a weak deer was limping, or when an old hog lost its tusks. The ravens here also called when humans came, for much the same reason. San reached for her fur coat before it cried again.

"Its never set off a warning for Ashitaka before," Ichi said, standing up. "and if its not Ashitaka, its not a human with permission to be here."

"They think we've grown soft, surely" Ni agreed. "Sounds like there's only seven or so of them."

"They wouldn't send such a large party for anything but a fight. They mean to finish us off."

"But too small a party to accompany Eboshi," San reasoned, tucking her knife in the folds of her buckskin, and reaching for her spear.

"Perhaps they were sent on her behalf to test us." Ni suggested.

"We'll know soon enough." She pulled her mask over her face, and leapt up on Ichi's back, which was already lowered for her. The moment she had her balance, he tore down the mountain with her. Ni stayed atop the cliff of the den only long enough to let out an answering call to the raven for it to lead the way.

And then, once again the wolf gods were hunting humans.

* * *

The clang of a mallet against an iron surface warned loudly of danger. The men in the commune scrambled awake at the sound, and it was only as they all panicked and dressed that Ashitaka awoke.

"It's the wolf girl! It must be." Men all around scrambled barely dressed out the door.

Ashitaka scarcely had time to see which of the men had spoken. He rushed just as fast as he could into his things, and outside to see for himself what was going on. Eboshi stood outside the supply hut, with Gonza at her side, as always. Their expressions gave nothing away, but by the looks of her, Eboshi had been up for a while before the alarm was sounded.

In minutes nearly everyone was gathered in the center of town. They formed a crowd a good few feet away from Eboshi in the shape of a half circle. In a state of panic and confusion they all spoke to her at once, demanding explanations. Ashitaka pushed through the mob toward the front, with little resistance from the townsfolk who recognized him.

The moment she saw him, Eboshi lifted her hand to quiet the crowd. As if by magic, they were at once silent. Ashitaka momentarily marveled at their trust in her. She faced her people, standing just outside the small storage room where the weapons had been kept, gathering dust for months now.

"We don't have much time, so I'll get to the point." She said, as calmly as ever. She kicked the wooden doorway of the room gently, and the hinges swung open with a creak. What few firearms had been salvaged and stored away were now gone. "We've been robbed. Our rifles were taken this morning, and given recent events, I'm sure the thieves intend to storm the mountain with them."

There was a pause of questioning murmurs among the townsfolk as they took in this information. Disbelief, confusion, and fear rattled every voice in the crowd. Ashitaka only remained there for as long as it took to meet Eboshi's gaze straight on, and see her chin tilt almost invisibly as she solemnly acknowledged what would certainly follow.

Just as quickly as he'd pushed his way to the front of the crowd, he turned right around and bolted back out. It was only a moment before Ashitaka had torn across the dirt road toward the stable, pushing past stunned bystanders.

"Gonza," Eboshi commanded, "Take roll of everyone here. I want to know who made off with our supplies this morning. I can't be sure whether they'll ever be seen again."

* * *

The women stood guard facing east and west each, with their rifles at the ready. Two men shared a handsaw and worked at the trunk of a tree that was nearly as wide as them both if they wrapped around it. The remaining three kept their eyes up as they waited for the tree to fall.

To split their attention between falling another tree would open them for an easy ambush. The lookouts were already gently drumming their fingers against the barrels of their guns, fidgeting with the sleeves of their shirts, and cocking their necks toward the sky every time a bird cawed.

"Suppose… she's still immortal," a woman mused as she clutched her weapon. "What do we do then?"

The second of the women, the only one among the party who knew the other, consoled her in a mocking tone. "She was never immortal. Moreover, the gods are dead now. Moro, who made her a monster, and The Forest Spirit who controlled them both," she counted off on her fingers as she named them. "If the bitch was ever more than just that, a bitch, her magic is long gone now."

The first woman refused to be reassured, and shook her head dismissively. "Before the nightwalker died, he gave her his power. Her and Ashitaka both. She'll be unkillable now."

She elbowed her in the ribs. "Don't be so superstitious. If gods can be killed, so can the wolf bitch."

With the snap of a three-foot diameter of solid wood, down came the tree. Despite the safe distance they'd already placed themselves, they retreated as it fell. The trunk fell off its course, and was caught in the branches of a neighboring tree.

"Shit!"

The weight and sheer force of its momentum took down the other tree with it, uprooting it as they toppled together, shaking the mountain with a force that would have surely alerted the wolves, if they weren't already on their way.

"What now?"

"Shut up, just get it all on the cart."

In an instant they moved to the fallen trees with their axes and saws, to strip off the branches and section it off into easy to carry parts. They worked faster now, cutting into the wood half way through, and splitting them apart the rest of the way with raw muscle.

A woman with a rifle in a sling over her shoulder paused after dropping a circle of fresh lumber into the back of the handcart. Was it her imagination, or had she really heard a howl just now? In her wondering she was hit on the shoulder.

"Hurry up!"

"But I-"

Again, the howl. This time, it was unmistakable. All seven of them were struck still by the sound of it.

"Shit."

They couldn't tell where the howl came from, the sound having echoed back and forth in all directions. Thus, which direction they'd be attacked from was unknown.

"Go, go! We'll come for the rest of it later." Their leader shouted. The last desperate loads of lumber were set in the cart. Two men pulled, one man pushed. The pair of women readied their guns in the directions north and west.

Leaving behind one of the two fallen trees, they scurried as quickly as they could down the mountain. Never once did they take their eyes off of the darkness of the deep of the forest.

They made it half a mile sweating and panting the whole way down, before they heard a howl again, nearly as loudly as the trees had been when they fell. They were much too close to run now. "Hold it," the cart pullers were already stopped from the chilling sound. "Brace yourselves." They wordlessly drew their weapons which consisted of swords and guns that only two among them were trained to use.

"Stand your ground. We only need to frighten them off."

"This is where you earn your keep," a man muttered to a women. "better be sure all that work for Lady Eboshi pays off now."

"Shove it. This gun is like a third arm for me."

Before she could be retorted, a distinctive white figure emerged from behind distant trees. The women aimed their guns at it before they could even tell whether it was wolf or mononoke. A second figure emerged, carrying a third on its back. The gunwomen immediately turned the muzzles of their guns in her direction, and the men followed the barrels with their gaze until they too looked upon the wolves and their princess.

The spirit princess dismounted her wolf, and through her red clay mask peered back at the humans with a glare that they could feel on their skin even at the distance that separated them. She and her wolves remained motionless for an uncomfortable and brief time until one of the humans whispered to another.

"Fire a warning shot at her feet."

Their leader protested. "It'll provoke her, all we have to do is walk away."

"Why warn her? Lets end this!"

"We won't win a fight."

"All that matters is that the lumber gets to town."

"fine, shoot her then," he relented, drawing his sword slowly "but if you do, you'd better kill her."

She cradled the rifle in one arm, and steadied it with the other. It was one of the lepers' own design, relatively lightweight, and required no extra hand to spark flint. It took her only two seconds to line up the shot.

"Take this, bitch." she whispered as she pulled.

It took only one second after pulling the trigger for the bullet to explode out of its barrel and crash into the woods far behind the wolves, having passed through, or missed its target completely, they couldn't tell from their distance.

The gunshot still echoed as the mononoke's wolves immediately left her side to dart toward them. The princess herself faltered for a moment before following them.

Their guns were reloaded slowly, by nature of their design. Especially the Chinese ones, which two men wielded. When one shot was fired, the other guns went off in slow succession after it, one by one.

All sound was reduced to the visceral pumping of blood and gunfire.

* * *

Red elk were generally faster than horses. They were less the beasts of burden, and closer to their wild counterparts. The disadvantage was in their endurance. By the time Ashitaka and his mount had entered the forest, the elk was heaving heavy clouds of fog as he ran.

The footprints in the mossy ground were just a bit deeper now, either because the ground itself was softer, or because the tracks were more recent.

It was inevitable that Yakul would slow down, and when he did, Ashitaka wasted no time sliding off his back, and running off without him. Yakul could catch up later.

Ashitaka didn't think much of the burst of speed that overcame him with the urgency of his situation. If he'd had the time to consider it, he would've recognized that it was not unlike the spouts of strength he'd felt under demonic influence. An unnatural disconnect from his body and his force of will. The only thoughts to occupy him in that moment were those of terror.

He crossed over the top of one more incline, and on the other side he saw two wolf gods. He stopped running only long enough to scan the scene. The wolves chewed on the barrels of rifles, and stood on top of human bodies, pressing them into the mud with little struggle.

The humans who weren't being held down cautiously tilted their necks to see Ashitaka as he came up the hill, as they lied with their hands over their heads, petrified in a pitiful surrender. One tried calling out to him and was quickly pushed into the suffocating mud by a heavy paw.

"Where's San?" Ashitaka yelled, his voice ringing out and lifting the wolves' heads to attention.

Ichi growled, the barrel of a rifle still stuck in his jaw. The wolf said nothing, but shot him an accusatory and threatening scowl.

A man behind the wolf, with his face in the mud hissed in pain as a rope tightened around the joints of his limbs. And from the man's side, behind her brother, San rose. She put her palm on Ichi's neck, just above his shoulder, reassuringly.

She did not speak. She had a ghoulish mask over her face, shimmering in fresh paint. And knife in hand which she held upright, still prepared to defend herself with it. It was still bloody, like the limp arm that rested half-concealed at her feet, its owner concealed by the massive form of her brother. She stepped only two strides before Ashitaka was sparked back from his brief pause.

He came to her with such purpose in his step. He didn't glance at the villagers lying in the dirt, or the wolves who even now gnawed iron out of shape. He was only looking at her as he walked, his gaze moving from one visible wound to another.

There was a tear at her calf roughly the size of a fist, still damp with blood that smeared and dripped much further down her leg. Something had violently torn through her flesh. He could not tell how deep the wound bore into her. However, it seemed not to be affecting her ability to stand.

Ashitaka stopped not but an arm's length beyond her. His eyes left her scars behind in search of her eyes, but she remained unreadable behind her mask.

He wished she would speak, or take off her mask so that he could see her face. Anything to assure him that she was alright, and safe, and really here in front of him. He might at any moment blink and realize that she wasn't.

Whether she could sense this desire in him or not, her posture eased up. The knife fell from her hand, and before it hit the ground Ashitaka was around her with his hands at her back, and his chest on hers, breathing hard. He pulled her into him, keeping his weight from pressing onto her leg at all.

She made no move to return the embrace. She was as still as ever, but allowed her muscles to loosen and be pulled into the shape of his body as he held her desperately.

* * *

Her body was still, but under her skin her blood was still running fast with the rage of battle. Her skin was still shielding her from pain. She had so little feeling. His embrace was akin to that of solid stone on her body.

The hand she kept at her side lifted up slowly, pausing at the side of Ashitaka's ribs for a moment just shy of touching him before it retreated up to her mask and removed it. He pressed his face into the crook of her neck and shoulder the moment she gave him the room to. She felt a wetness there that was not her own. When he spoke it was quiet, and yet his voice took hold of all her attention. It almost startled her.

"Are you alright?"

She was mysteriously disarmed by the sound of his voice.

"Yeah," she said after swallowing. Even to herself, her voice was noticeably hoarse. Like a growl, almost. She tried to fix it by coughing. "It doesn't feel as bad as it looks."

He was still crying as he sighed with relief, holding her tighter for a moment before pulling his face away to meet hers. Terror and overwhelming gratitude eclipsed each other in the water of his eyes.

He'd been worried.

All at once she became hyper aware of him. Her hot blood cooled as the adrenalin eased out of her bloodstream, and she had feeling in her skin once more. The hands he had under her arms and over her back were more than just weight on her body all of a sudden.

"I was so scared…" he said, still with that mix of emotions, still crying, just a little.

What would Ashitaka have done if the scrape of the bullet had passed over some more vulnerable part of her? Well, there would likely have been no villagers to bring home. Her brothers would have no reason to spare them.

Ashitaka wouldn't have bothered with revenge, would he? She didn't think so. He would have knelt beside her and…

She stopped herself from imagining it.

San pulled him back to her, making the embrace hers now. Her leg stung her for the extra weight, and she repaid it with a grimace she made sure Ashitaka couldn't see. She didn't know why it had suddenly become so important to shield him from his own distress. Especially in the midst of more important matters. But she refused to justify the desire to herself or dismiss it.

"I'm not dying" she assured him. "No one is."

She held him until his tears dried up.

* * *

The villagers collected themselves well downhill of where san and her brothers remained. Yakul was with them, carrying the two of them who were unable to walk.

Ashitaka himself remained with the wolves for a minute more, a hand holding one end of his kimono steady as San wrapped the other end around her gash, tightening it several times before tying it off. There were more practical bandages in existence, but no more available ones. And his clothes had no better use.

"Don't walk around until I get back" he told her, as though she wouldn't have done so anyway. She would have scoffed at him, but she found she was charmed rather than insulted by his attitude. "I'll clean it then, just let it stop bleeding for now."

"I've dealt with bleeding legs before, Ashitaka" she told him, indicating nothing of her pain as she tightened the fabric around her leg. "worse than this, even." Her mouth curled ever so slightly into something of a grin he assumed was to reassure him. He was not reassured.

Little red blotches were growing slowly out of the blue seams of the makeshift bandage. He had to hold back a surge of dread, and it didn't go unnoticed.

San reached her hands up behind his neck, pulling him down to look straight up at him, as though she didn't already have his full attention. "I'll be fine."

Ashitaka sighed and pressed his palm to the side of her dirty cheek. He quickly leaned his face down to hers and planted his lips on her forehead in the most gentle and deliberate of kisses. He could see her brow begin to bundle up in confusion as he pulled away again. Ah, of course she wouldn't understand the gesture. But maybe she would at least understand the meaning behind it.

"I'll be back soon." He assured her, turning away and leaving hastily so he could return with as much haste.

The seven villagers said nothing, and he did not speak to them. Rounding them up like cattle and leading them out of the forest.

Eboshi was waiting at the watchtower beside several loyal gunwomen. They watched the horizon for any distant wolfish shape, and were relieved when they saw Ashitaka and the wounded traitors instead.

The gate was opened to them without question. Nearly every man and woman of the town stood on the otherside, each shouting and sobbing as the wounded walked past them. They were taken to Eboshi's quarters before they were allowed to treat their wounds. Eboshi did not divulged her plans to either penalize or chastise them, but it was certain her justice would be swift.

There were protests, of course. The traitors had family and friends who begged Eboshi for permission to see them. She had her manservant keep them at bay as she stood beside Ashitaka, who even now was mounting his elk to head up the mountain again, this time carrying salves and gauze with him.

"Is it your doing or the wolf girl's, that my people are alive today?" she asked Ashitaka as they spoke in the midst of her villagers demanding explanations and answers.

"You have _San_ to thank for their lives," he answered, emphasizing her name. "What will you do with the traitors?" he asked.

For the first time in the conversation, Eboshi gestured for Gonza's attention. The brick wall of a man had been busy keeping the crowd at bay, but was no less eager to heed his lady's wishes.

"We can't house people who would so easily abandon the safety of others. Their recklessness could've easily ended with their deaths, and the wolves would quickly have come for us next. They'll likely find better lives in another town anyway" Eboshi looked at her man-servant. "Get them in good health and pack their belongings."

Gonza nodded back. He muttered a 'yes, m'lady', and began pushing past the crowd to do his work.

"I really am grateful to you," Eboshi said. "and San. I'm not sure either of us would survive a fight at this point. I'm certain she knows that. But, I was also certain that she would forever risk her life to kill me. So, thank you for that too, Ashitaka."

"I haven't made her hate you any less."

"No, certainly not, but she loves you more than she hates me" Eboshi smiled. He made no attempt to confirm or deny her claim, and rode out of town as Eboshi turned to address the crowd.

* * *

AN: I'm almost late for work, so i'll keep this short: I'm sorry ive been gone for so long. If you want a detailed explanation for my absence, or just want to chat, i have a link on my profile page to my blog where im much more active and available.

I can't thank you folks enough for how kind and patient and understanding you've been, and i'm not abandoning this story.


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